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Do you find English a fascinating language to learn? Well, all languages are fascinating, but what makes English one of a kind is its feature that everyone seems to get playful. Its words are easy to use and versatile, making it capable for using the same word with different meanings. With this, it becomes a trigger to make funny jokes and stories.
I have four funny English stories collected. Want to take a break the ice and laugh for a while? Care to read these stories below and perhaps you can add up the lists to make it more enjoyable.
It’s a Television Set
Elizabeth was a very pretty girl, and her parents were rich. Quite a lot of the young men in the town wanted to marry her, but she was not satisfied with any of them.
One evening, one of the most handsome of the young men who wanted to marry Elizabeth came to visit her in her parents’ house and asked her to become his wife. She answered,” No, William, I won’t marry you. I want to marry a man who is famous, who can play music, sing and dance very well, who can tell really interesting stories, who does not smoke or drink, who stays at home in the evenings, and who stops talking when I’m tired of listening.”
The young man got up, took his coat and went to the door, but before he left the house, he turned and said to Elizabeth,” It isn’t a man you’re looking for. It’s a Television Set”.
The Five-Word “AND” Sentence
Can you think of a sentence in which the word “and” appears five times, without any words in between? There is one at the end of this story.
There was once an inn which was called “The Horse and Cart”. It had a sign outside it which has a picture of a horse and a cart on it, but the sign was getting very old, so the owner of the inn decided to have a new one made. He went to a painter and asked him to paint one, and to write “The Horse and Cart” on it in large letters.
A few days later, he went to see how the painter was getting on. He liked the picture of the horse and the cart very much, but he did not like the writing at all. He said to the painter, “No, no! There’s too much space between HORSE and AND and AND and Cart!”
A Clever Villager
Some villagers were going to celebrate an important wine festival in a few days’ time, so they borrowed a huge barrel from the nearest town, put it in the village square and determined that each of them should empty a bottle of the best wine he had into it, so that there should be plenty at the feast.
One of the villagers thought he would be very clever. ‘If I pour a bottle of water in, instead of wine, no one will notice it,’ he said to himself, ‘because there will be so much excellent wine in the barrel that the water will be lost in it.’
The night of the feast arrived. Everybody gathered in the village square with jugs and their glasses for the wine. The tap on the barrel was opened – but what came out was pure water. Everyone in the village had had the same idea.
I Know This Lawyer
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail within 3 minutes!”
I know you burst into laughter! Who would not laugh at these funny stories when in fact, they’re actually very humorous!
Isn’t English a great language to learn? Know how to make your own funny English story by allowing yourself to Learn English at Language School in England. Language schools have systematic ways of teaching English that raises your potential in making funny stories. We don’t know, you might be the person who would soon write the funniest English story in history!