Self-harm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I was 14 when I first started to self-harm to stop the pain, I was not like the other girls in school, I wasn’t popular and I only had a small group of friends, which I loved dearly. I wore a lot of eyeliner and had my hair dyed jet black, I was what people would class as a Goth but in my eyes I was just me, no labels not a Goth or an Emo, I was just me.
I remember the first cut like it was yesterday, I was being bullied at school and didn’t know how to let the pain go away so I thought if I punished myself it would all go away. It did for only a minute then the physical and emotional pain hit me like a brick and so it began.
I was self-harming up to 7 times a day, always the same place and always the same item, a sharpener blade.
My physical scars reminded me of each time I was bullied or hurt and that was the hardest bit to see. I never let myself out my room without my arms being covered up and people started to ask questions.
I was 16 when my parents found out and they were extremely upset as any parent would be. My mom decided to remove all sharp objects from my room and watched me like a hawk. She would regularly check my arms for new scars and I felt ashamed.
I visited 3 mental health groups to have one to one sessions, however this never helped as they couldn’t physically tell me what to do and I was looking for that bit of the missing puzzle.
The only person I could talk to was my dog, I had had her since I was a very young child and at the age of 14 I knew she wasn’t going to be around much longer. The day she was put to sleep was awful, she was my best friend. The one person I could confide in, she never judged me or put me down; she was loyal and loved me.
That day was when I really hit rock bottom and wanted to end it all.
I ran up to the bathroom found a packed of Paracetamol and tried to finish the job.
I had no more reasons to live.
However I am writing this story today and I survived the emotional and physical pain I stored for so long. My wrists are no longer scared. I’m healing emotionally and have found someone who I love and who loves me too.
I am a mother to a wonderful son and have gained more confidence than I ever thought I could. It just goes to show the bullies can’t win, I still see a lot of them about and some try to add me on Facebook. At the end of the day I turned out a better person, they will always be a bully no matter what, they are the cowards. I have all the control now and they can’t touch me again.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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