Humor Magazine

I Poked the Knitters' Nest

By Dianelaneyfitzpatrick
I Poked the Knitters' Nest Boy, I’ve really stepped in it this time.
A word to the wise, or maybe it should be a word from the wise:  Don’t mess with knitters.
A couple hundred women are angry about my blog post last December, which suggested that knitting in public makes one look like a homely spinster.
Come on, people, I even admitted that I myself have knitted in public. I also pointed out that I set some kind of record in how badly I knit, leaving me with a bunch of washcloths and scarves and little else to show for the blisters on my fingers.
I said I admired my friend Laura, who until she moved to Alaska, used to knit with me. She used to whip out her knitting while we were waiting for the band concerts to start. I admired that; I really did. And I said so.
The knitters showed me no mercy.
She obviously doesn’t have a real life one person said.
I think she’s a jerk.
Eh, she’s just dumb. In the post she admits she’s a wimpy homebody with no self-confidence. If anything I feel sorry for her.
I think she’s a miserable old troll.

Owie! This is definitely worse than when I was called the C word by Men Boycotting American Women. In fact, if we could get the knitters to forget about me and the spinster comment and turn against that guy and his cronies, we could wipe out chauvinistic and misogynistic a-holes worldwide. The women-haters are barely able to stand on their own two feet, their self-esteem and manhood are so annihilated. They could be toppled with a well-placed pair of single-pointed size 10 needles. Also the chase scenes would make a great Lifetime movie.
I didn’t expect the backlash from knitters on my KIP blog post. I did not know they had such a mean streak. Months after I wrote it, I noticed that my blog page views were up 82%.
I knew it couldn’t be that hundreds more people thought I was funny and decided to start reading my blog. I knew that the only thing that could make my blog more popular had to be anger and revenge.
Sure enough, I saw that most of my daily hits were referred from Ravelry.com, a website for knitters. I found the traffic source: a message board post that linked to my blog and asked what the knitters thought about what I said about knitting in public.
Not all the knitters were angry. One astute knitter said, “I think she was just looking for something funny to write about and was thinking about knitting in public and decided to write about it.”
Yes! That’s exactly what happened! The majority, however, agreed with the haters. And they didn’t like my writing much either.
It’s entirely too possible that she fancies herself a comedian, with the title of the blog. sad that she hasn’t succeeded.
Yeah, it struck me as one of those blogs people write when they don’t have enough to do, not because they have actual talent of some kind to showcase.
I think she was going for satire of some sort, and just dropped the ball horribly.
I don’t think she has managed to get the message across clearly if it was intended to be self deprecatory or humorous. She came off as judgmental. I suspect that she didn’t get far enough with knitting (and her writing because it doesn’t make any point). Oh well.

When you have a wonderful, productive way to spend you time, why would you even bother to read something like that? She obviously doesn’t have a real life. Are we proud to be knitters or what? I knit when and wherever I so please. Although not at somber occasions.
One knitter’s avatar is a close-up photo of her and her boyfriend. She’s giving the finger.
Another knitter posted this as her most recent project:

Knitted exorcist. These are not people to mess with.
I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize if I offended any knitters by suggesting that they keep their needles and yarn behind closed doors.
Now, cross-stitchers, that’s another story. Those old bats with their colorful thread and those tacky hoops. Why can’t people like that just stay at home?

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