I’m turning 30 next week, and as is customary, I’m looking for the perfect birthday dress in which to usher to age that I’ve been waiting to turn all year. I love getting older. Closer to death. Um…or rather, of an age when people start taking me seriously. The women in my family live until the age of 95, at the earliest, so this is still a dawning year.
I have this idea of an outfit that involves a tutu and a leotard, a la Nouvelle Vague, or the dress Grace Kelly wore in Rear Window only way, way sluttier. I want to showcase my flat-chestedness, which I am, for the first time in my life, proud to flaunt. And I also want to be comfortable, because being uncomfortable is so for your 20s.
I went to so many vintage stores today to find the perfect outfit, but didn’t see a thing. Also, now I feel like a hefer, but fuck it. I’m turning 30.
Please, pretty lady who might be reading this, can you suggest somewhere I might be able to find such a classy tutu? I hate shopping more than I hate cleaning the floors—with vitriol—and I need help. If only to be a rich woman, with someone who could pick something out for me!
(Suggestions are, in other words, much appreciated.)