No, no, not real ones, I come over all wobbly at the sight of real blood, I mean political ones. And tonight we have a humdinger to look forward to either by listening to LBC Radio or watching Sky News where you will actually see the political blood splattering the lens of the camera - I hope. I refer, of course, to tonight's debate between Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg. Actually, the very attractive Kay Burley of Sky News (I would send her one of my usual letters that I send to attractive ladies but she scares me to death!) has written a rather witty introduction to the 'bloodfest':
Ladies and gentlemen, in the yellow corner, the undisputed champion of ham acting, LBC Radio phone-ins and leader of the "let's stay in" club, Lib Dem leader Mr Nick Clegg.
In the red, white and blue corner, the bruiser from the boozer, Mr UKIP Union Flag himself, Mr "let's come out" Nigel Farage.
I have seen one or two YouTube recordings of Farage delivering polemics inside the EU parliament and he is a superb performer. However, debating one-on-one requires a different set of skills and you really do need Westminster experience to know how to deal with it - experience which Farage lacks but Clegg has plenty of, especially since he's had to face up to deputy-prime minister's questions in the House.
I always think that in these sorts of confrontations it is important to have a well-honed ideology, a sort of template on which you can lean under pressure. In this case, on the subject of Europe, both men are ideologues so I suspect there will be more heat than light on the subject. In which case, it might just be personality that wins or loses. Again, Kay Burley sums it up wittily:
Cleggie in his genial, geography school teacher way will run through his pre-exam tick list for anxious students. Staying IN is better for Britain. We're stronger united. The jobs market, the green issue, trade ... and don't forget to check your ballot paper again if you have time at the end class.
Meanwhile, fag-ash, mine's a pint Farage will remind waverers of the amount of money Europe wastes and the undeserved power it wields over us.
And so, with true British sportsmanship, I can only hope that the best man wins - er, and the best man is Farage, obviously!
