In The MindBody Code, Dr. Mario Martinez talks about a phenomenon (particularly in the Western world) where we speak about a hardship, and then immediately follow it up by highlighting a benefit it brought us, what it taught us and why we are therefore grateful for the suffering.
“That car accident taught me to never take any day for granted…”
“My illness gave me a new appreciation for life…”
“The natural disaster brought our community together in new ways…”
“I spent years broke and struggling to bring my dream career to life, and it finally paid off…”
Maybe we do this because we want to feel a sense of purpose in our pain. It’s some sort of coping mechanism. The idea that suffering is random and unpredictable is terrifying, so we force ourselves to see the bigger picture where suffering plays an important role. Because, if our suffering holds meaning, then order is restored.
Maybe we say things like this to plug up the flood of emotions that would pour out if we allowed ourselves to truly feel the pain of our situation. We bottle up our feelings under the guise of “gratitude” to avoid the overwhelming grief and ache that might spill over.
Maybe we do it because we deeply believe that to have a good life, one must suffer first. We like those “rags to riches” stories. We like rooting for the underdog. We like being grateful for our hardships, because it confirms to us that the universe rewards those with battle wounds. It can’t be too easy. It can’t just be fun. We must suffer first, before we can enjoy.
Maybe we do it because we feel guilty. We feel too guilty when we just enjoy the good and condemn the suffering. We think it makes us entitled or obnoxious. After all, the good and humble person takes what she is given. She doesn’t ever ask for more. It is arrogant to reject suffering, we must be grateful for our lot in this life, no matter what it looks like. No one will like us if we ask for too much.
Maybe we believe suffering is the only way to learn. That every ounce of pain brings with it immeasurable wisdom. Wisdom isn’t found in the easy, fun moments, only in the darkness. Suffering brings perspective that joy cannot. If we were happy all the time, life would maybe even get boring. Suffering brings variety and drama in an otherwise blissful world.
Or, maybe we just do it because it’s what everyone else does. We just haven’t been aware of how strange it is until this moment. No matter what happens to us, society teaches us to always, always look on the bright side. We’ve simply been doing what we’ve been told.
But, as of today, I am no longer grateful for my suffering.
I no longer believe that those who suffer reap larger rewards.
I no longer believe that suffering is the way to joy.
I no longer believe you have to suffer before you succeed.
I no longer believe suffering leads to a more balanced existence.
I no longer believe that suffering has a larger, meaningful purpose.
Suffering is just suffering.
And, I am no longer grateful for it.
From now on, I will work to end suffering as swiftly and as effectively as I can, for myself and others.
When tragedy strikes, I will no longer spend time searching for meaning or deep lessons. I’ll simply get to work fixing, healing, grieving, resting, and putting things back together.
Now, onto what I am grateful for…
Resilience.
Strength.
Perseverance.
Hope.
Grit.
Fierce determination.
Self care.
Compassion.
I am grateful for all the qualities that bring humans through suffering.
And, I am grateful for my ability to recognize when my own behavior has caused my suffering, and my ability to change, adapt, and grow in response.
Because we are designed to withstand an incredible amount of hardship, and still thrive.
We are designed to persevere through unrelenting suffering, and come out the other side.
So, I’m grateful for that.
I’m unbelievably grateful for that.
Every cell in my body is grateful for that.
So, today I’m making a promise…
I promise to fight suffering, and always work toward a joyful life.
I promise to honor and celebrate the growth and wisdom that comes from the good.
And, when suffering comes knocking, I promise to only be grateful for the qualities that carry me through it.
