You know you shouldn’t do it but you don’t know how to stop. You’re not sure if you’d be heard if you didn’t constantly remind him about what he said he’d do, but yet again, hasn’t. Somehow, your nags turns into demands that end up seem more bossy than loving.
Nagging and demanding is akin to a skateboarding on a slippery slope. You think you can control it or if you can’t, you can at least just skateboard down a little ways, ya know, before it gets too dangerous.
Except…well, you don’t skateboard just a little ways down. You end being unable to control yourself. Before you know it, you’re crashing into a tree, crying your eyes out, and beside yourself with frustrations. Doesn’t he know that if he just did what you asked, everything would be perfect?!
What you need, my dear lady friend, is to turn your nags into a request.
How a Nag & Request Differ
A nag is a constant repetition of how he’s making you unhappy. (from his perspective, that’s what it sounds like) The tone of a nag can go from whiny to demanding in a matter of seconds. Afterwards you feel icky. You know there’s gotta be a better way, but you’re unsure about what that way is.
According to the dictionary, a request is something that is politely asked for. Keyword there is politely. There’s no such thing as a polite demand or a polite nag. I would like to add that a request also has an element of trust. Trust that he will actually carry out your request. Now, let’s take your nags (or demands) into requests.
3 Ways to Turn Your Nags Into Requests
1. Acknowledge
Before you say what you want, acknowledge what he’s already giving. It lets him know that you’ve recognized what he’s already giving you and it makes him more open to hearing out your current desire.
2. Make it Concrete
Don’t flood him with all the things you need done and don’t complain about all the things that he’s forgotten to do either. Give him ONE concrete thing he can do to make you happy. Example, instead of “Why haven’t you taken the garbage out?” or “I’m so tired of doing everything around here!” try saying “Hey thanks for putting that smelly lettuce in the garbage. Do me a quick fave and throw the garbage out so the whole house doesn’t stink.” Or “It would be a huge help for me if you picked up the kids today so that I can have an hour to myself today.”
3. Should-ing isn’t allowed
Tell him what you want, but don’t tell him how it should be executed. If you really want him to cook for you, don’t tell him he should do it the way you want. All that’s gonna lead to is him saying “Well, if you want it done your way, why don’t you do it then.” Women get into trouble with this when it comes to how he washes dishes to how he folds laundry to how he cleans the bathroom. If you ridicule him for it, you’ll be stuck with it forever and ever, Amen.
Now if he asks how you want something done, that’s a different story. But some men don’t ask for directions even if they’re 100 miles off course so…just be prepared that he may not ask.
I’m giving lotsa good tips in the FREE Event this month. You’ll also get a free workbook that will help you take what you’ve learned in the call and immediately apply it to your situation.
For other ways to turn your nags/demands into requests he’d love to honor, sign up for my FREE Teleseminar next Monday. Get the details here.
P.S. Save $20 until Saturday! Click here to see what I’m talking about.
