Diaries Magazine

How to Help Your Neighbor/Single Mom's Kid Fly a Kite

By Dmroughton
  1. Say "sure thing, sweetie" so when you totally screw it up that she is even more disappointed.
  2. Have the threadlike string break as soon as the kite is in the air.
  3. Chase the kite across a field.
  4. Granny knot the string together.
  5. Have the staple on tail rip off the kite in the first gust of wind.
  6. Tie it back on with another granny knot.
  7. Fly the kite upside down for 12 feet and then fall in the ditch trying to gain momentum.
  8. Have the threadlike string break in a totally different spot.
  9. Yep, you guess it, granny knot it again.
  10. Try flipping the angle of the sticks.
  11. Watch as kite does crazy, drunken monkey spiral dance.
  12. Run for 5 minutes without stopping (make sure you are 40 years old or more for this) and still mange to get the kite only 8 feet off the ground.
  13. Ask your 9 year old son for his sage wisdom.
  14. Totally discount the Johnny Test sounding advice you just got.
  15. Have the thread break three more times, and add 3 more granny knots.
  16. Swallow all the "damnits" and "son-of-a-bitches" that are trying to escape.
  17. Walk little girl back to her house and freak out single mom who is in chair getting her hair pulled through a skull cap by her mom in order to be colored.
  18. Giggle as she shrieks, "No, don't look!"   Bahahahahahhahahahahahaha!
  19. Find out it was only a $1 kite.
  20. Go to store and buy and a new freaking kite.

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