A lot of things have been adapted to movies throughout history. Novels. Children’s illustrated books. Blogs about cooking Julia Child’s favorite recipes. And a board game about putting pegs in a grid, called Battleship. We at NotTheWorstNews thought that making an entire movie based on poorly developed characters, a.k.a. red pegs, seemed like a bad investment of $209 million dollars, and apparently audiences agreed! Except for the audiences in Sony Boardrooms, who have just announced another Hasbro movie: Tonka. It’s a movie based on toy Tonka trucks. Also in development, and we’re not joking, are versions of Candyland and Risk! “Who will play the role of Kamchatka in Risk?” we wonder, with fingers crossed hoping it’s Yakov Smirnoff or Jude Law – we just can’t decide!
Apparently the folks at Sony and Hasbro have a serious problem recognizing that pegs and other inanimate potential choking hazards are not characters, dialogue, nor a “story”, some of which may be necessary components in a multi-million dollar blockbuster film.
3 Worse Hasbro Games Sony Could Turn Into Movies
1. Jenga. It’s Die Hard meets blocks of wood! Martin Lawrence plays a block of wood that has recently been estranged from his family of wood blocks (the youngest being named “Chip”), who are being held hostage at the top of a wood block tower! Lawrence spends two hours hoping someone will select him, and put him on the top of the pile of blocks so he can rescue his family. With the help of a little lipstick and a dress, he is able to attract the eye of a Tonka Construction Crane, who moves him to the top to rescue his family, just before the tower of blocks topples.
2. Chutes & Ladders. In this movie, reminiscent of Memento, the plot quickly progresses up ladders into the future, until the protagonists find themselves on a long chute taking them from minute 87 of the movie plot, right back to minute 24. What a rip-off!
3. Yahtzee! Michael Cera stars as Yahtzee, a young plastic cup with a crush on a six-sided die, who attends a Private School for Dice. Love seems unlikely as Yahtzee is being home-schooled by his father, a large-sized Hardee’s cup, played by John Goodman. Yahtzee has to dress up as a die to sneak into and enroll in the private school, but people become suspicious when the Dipping Dots he used to decorate his die costume begin melting.
Got worse ideas for board games to movies, share them in the comments below!
