Happiness Is.....

.....when your neighbor whose known you for the past 12 years Tells you that you have bloomed and blossomed since starting work
First I must apologise For my lack of posts My lack of comments Even my reading your blogs Blogger used to be my whole world I immersed myself in to the ED community As I had no real life to speak of I turned to blogger And the people here For social  interactionFor support Advice And friendship My ED was all consuming I can remember so clearly All I did every day Was either binge and purge like a maniacIt not eat at all As recently as Christmas My life was a shit showI was a mess A hot vomit stinking bony messThankfully I am beyond that now It is all a memory Instead of being my reality Life then took off like a rocket As the pieces of my life began to slit in to place The rest as they say Is history 
But yes I was over with my neighbor today She asked about work And said I had bloomed and blossomed since starting She said that even the way I carry myself is different This was so lovely to hear As I guess I don't always see the changes in myself I do know that I feel more confident More sure of myself I suppose that comes from my job dealing with people all day every dayYour self esteem can't help but grow This week in work We were talking about what we will do for our end of season staff party There have been lots of suggestions But our ages range from 19-60So it's hard to think of something that will suit everyone If you have any suggestions They would be greatly appreciated
In other news My methadone was reduced today So I am now on 22mls It's both thrilling and terrifying My doctor has been trying to reduce it for the past few weeks And I have been putting up resistance But today I was all out of excusesAnd had to bite the bullet It's only a 2ml dropAnd I know I won't even miss it But still It's hard It's scary I don't like it Although to be honest Some days I completely forget to tAke my meds As my mind is on work When I come home from work I am so tired And fall asleep meds or no meds
So All in all Things are good Life is good I feel good I have no earthly clue what I weigh And quite frankly my dear I don't give a damnTen bonus points if you can tell me which film that quote is from....
Also I wanted to thank you My readers My friends My blogger family For sticking by me on this roller coaster of a ride we call life Every step of the last four years has been documented here From the depths of despair To the highs of finally finding recovery Things are going well for me now And I can only hope that my story gives you hopeThat you too can get wellCan recover And can have a life after ED and addictionBecause it is possible It is a reality for me and many others In saying that I have been in that place Where recovery seems nigh on impossibleLike something that happens to other people I've been crippled by my illnessBut I promise you If you can just take they first difficult but crucial stepYou will see the benefits immediately And you will want more Because now I can honestly say That I want to live I want to be alive in this world As uncertain and scary as it is right now I still want to be here Death has never scared meLife always scared me more And it still is scary But I feel like I am in a place where I can tackle it So please If you do one thing today After reading this Give yourself a breakPut down the whip And do something nice for yourself God knows we are so hard on ourselves We would never treat others the way we treat ourselves Because you matter You are special There is no other you And the world needs you Even if you think you are insignificant You're not You are wanted and neededI promise you that So let's do it girls Let's stop bullying ourselves Putting ourselves down Berating ourselves We are intelligent Caring Kind And smart people We matter to those around usNever forget that....