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How did you feel when you found out you were expecting? Happy, Sad, or Confused? How about suicidal. What was the first thing you did after getting that positive result? Call a friend, hug your man, or jump up and down on the spot.
Can you guess what I did? I punched myself in the stomach. Four times.
Why you ask? I did it because I already had one son, from a bad relationship, with a deadbeat father. And I didn’t want another one. I suffered from post natal depression, and I couldn’t go through that again. I cried solidly for a week. I felt disgusted, like some evil thing was growing inside off me.
With my first from the minute I found out, I would have given my life, to save my unborn baby, but this time it was different, I couldn’t get past feeling that it wasn’t right.
So I booked myself into the doctors made an appoitment and within a week I was sat in a Marie Stopes clinic being examined. They scanned me and guess what no foetus. I had miscarriage; I bled heavily the weekend before.
When they told me I wasn’t sad. I was over joyed. I have wondered on occasion if it was my fault I miscarriage, but in all honesty I don’t know if it wasn’t, but I don’t feel bad, to me was the best thing that could have happened
This post is an anonymous guest post*
