Getting Ready for Monday

The last few days have been spent getting ready to start my course Monday The logistics Sorting out travel My money My meals and how I'm going to manage those And generally psyching myself up to be on good form And ready to take on anything my course throws at meTerror and anxiety is gradually giving way to excitement and eagerness I can't wait to start I can't wait to throw myself in to it To be in the midst of everything horsey for the next 18 monthsAs well as it being right up my street I know it's also going to be toughEarly mornings Getting up in the dark Coming home in the dark Long days Physically and emotionally it's going to be hard going But I am so ready for the challenge So ready to learn and grow And become a capable horse rider I just have such a good feeling about this 
Yesterday I had a moment of weakness And I weighed myself My mother also weighed herself And I weigh more than her This bothered me for about half an hour But then I realised that it really doesn't matter Not one little bit I am right smack bang in the middle of what is a healthy weight for my height I am taller than my mother I also came to the realisation That if I want to do my course If I want to be a competent horse rider I need to keep my strength up I need to keep my body fuelled If I stop eating Or start purging more Then I can say goodbye to my course Goodbye to my health My happiness My families happiness There are bigger issues I have toAddress Like being able to contribute to looking after my Dad I'm needed If I am not eating properly I can't do any of this It could be argued that addiction and EDs are extremely selfish I both agree and disagree with this I know it took me a long time to realize they my addictions effected more than just me It had a ripple effect on to everyone around me And my family were stone cold sober through it all I was off my face And oblivious to the hurt and pain I was causing Now I know if I want to pick up a drug Then it's not just my life I'm ruining But those around me also And that is too high a cost to pay So I am not getting back on the merry-go-round of weighing myself No good can come of it 
Today I am taking it easy And gathering my strength for Monday I know some of you expressed concern that this horsemanship course might be too much for me And I know I will struggle with aspects of it But I have to follow my heart And go with what I feel is right I could do the computer course I applied for Which would only be two days a week But computers don't excite me Horses excite me Riding excites me Anything to do with animals excites me So i am going to go for it I know I would regret it if I didn't I feel I have a good foundation in riding now Although When I go out to the new stables I'm not going to say that I have experience I'll play down the fact that I have a little bit of experience Just so the don't push me too much I just can't wait to get started though I have such a good feeling about it!
Anyway That's it from me for today Hope you all have a lovely Saturday And see you on the next post....