General Update

Today I am two weeks scale freeIt's been hardBut so worth itI saw Mary during the weekShe weighed meBut I didn't lookShe told me I was 'in and around the same'I don't know what I am the same asBut I didn't ask for a specific numberI had a physical reaction when she weighed meMy heart thumped in my chestThoughts racing Anxiety through the roofI can't lie though I was just dying to ask her my weightEven when I hit home later onI was tempted to ring her or text herBut I managed not toAs I have said I am trying to go by how I feel Rather than what I look likeAnd I feel quite goodMost of the timeMy clothes still fit meSo that's a good way to judge
I am clearing out my room at the momentI have so much clothes and shoesOf every size imaginableMy weight has yoyo-ed so much over the years That I've had to have all these clothesBut now that my weight is somewhat stableI am getting rid of any thing that is too small or too bigAnd things that I haven't worn in the last yearSome of the clothes I have found are teeny tinyI can't believe that as a grown adult I ever fit in to them They look like doll clothes they are so small It's cathartic thoughGetting rid of all this baggageThis time last yearI couldn't bring myself to throw my anorectic clothes outBut now I feel like it's time for them to goAnd I feel able to say good bye to that part of my life
I'm having an issue with one of my friendsThis is the girl who I had considered my best friend But recently things have not been good between usShe tends to blow hot and coldSometimes I hear from her nearly every dayThen I don't hear from her in weeks She doesn't always reply to my textsShe knows that o have been struggling recentlyAnd during the week she sent me a text telling me that I could talk to herAnd she wouldn't judge meAnd please could we meet up the following day as she really wanted to help meI said I would meet her And told her to text me the following dayThe next cameAnd no word from herI texted her to ask her if she still wanted to meet upShe said she was in the beauticians And was then going to get tattoo work doneI asked if she didn't want to meet upShe replied that she didn't have timeI felt really hurtAnd really usedShe has no problem texting me or phoning me when she wants something And she can be very manipulativeIt's just coming to the stage where I'm not happy with the friendship And have decided to take a step backIf nothing else than to protect myself 
I've known this girl for years We've been friends on and off for a long timeShe has addiction issuesAnd also in recovery from an EDSo we have a lot in commonBut personality wise we are very different She can be very nice and friendly one minuteThen cold and aloof the nextAnd sometimes I don't know where I stand with herI remember a while agoI had been to a meeting that her ex boyfriend was atShe told me that as her 'best friend' could I tell her what he saidI felt hurt they she would manipulate me like that As I would never ask her to break a confidence like that
The other thing is that she likes to talkMainly about other peopleShe likes a good gossipAnd a good bitch Now at this point I must stress that I am no angelAnd am partial to a bit of juicy gossipBut I do draw the line at hurting someone or breaking a confidenceMy friend doesn't seem toAnd I do wonderWhen I walk out of the roomIs she talking about me too?
I guess I am wondering what to doI have decided to take a step back from the friendshipTo cool offAnd let the dust settleI know this girl has a lot onAs she has childrenBut I am letting her walk all over meAnd it has to stopI am gentle and quite quiet by natureAnd I feel she is taking advantage of meThe thing is I am second guessing myself Because one minute this girl is really nice and friendlyAnd the next she is being really bitchySometimes I wonder if I am being to sensitiveBut I have talked it over with my Mum and sister And they think I should step back tooThe thing is That I don't have a lot of friendsI would much rather have a few good friendsThan lots of aquaintances But this girl has gone too far this timeAnd I am wondering if I should cut my losses and move on
I guess the other option would be to say all this to herI mean I don't think she is even aware that she has hurt meI remember last year I loaned her my travel passAs she was going to Dublin once a weekI didn't mind loaning it to herBut months laterShe still hasn't given it back to meAnd never even mentioned itI had an awful time trying to get it back off herAnd she really gave me the run aroundEventually I got it backBut I felt so used and hurt by the whole thing It's strangeThe people who I have really warmed to at the meetings Are people who are a lot older than meI seem to get on better with themThan with people my own ageAt least I know where I stand with these peopleI guess I do need to learn to be assertive and stand up for myselfI think people will treat you the way you let themAnd I have let this girl take advantage of meI will carry on with my lifeAnd my recoveryBut I am going to play it cool with this girl And make sure she knows that I am hurtAnd I won't stand for this any longer
I was wondering about youHave you ever been in a situation like this?Where a friend has treated you badlyWhat did you you?What do you think that I should do?I'd love to know.....