Humor Magazine

Funny Friday – November 9, 2012

By Eowyn

When asked by a young patrol officer “Did you know you were speeding?”

This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated: “Yes, but…..I had to get there before I forgot where I was going.”

The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day.

—oo—

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. 

In a recently held linguistic competition held in London, England, and attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
 
The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
 
Here is his astute answer: “when you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!” 

—oo— 

In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

The survey was carried out for democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.

The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters said that they have had sex in the shower.

The remaining 14% said they haven’t been to prison yet. 

—oo—

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”

He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.” 

—oo—

 Have a great Friday, and a better weekend.

 ~ Hardnox

PS. Feel free to add your own below. We got our asses kicked on Tuesday but we still have our sense of humor.


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