Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : The Twin Tornado. Again.

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
Mstr3 is all about farting at the moment.  He does it, then loudly declares "Pooh Mummy! You stinky bum!".  Always in public.  Always smelly.  Of course I protest my innocence, and people look at me like I'm some kind of bad mother trying to blame her own smelly rear on her sweet looking offspring who would never possibly lie about something like that. FFS.
FFS!? Friday : The Twin Tornado. Again.

I mean they could pick any number of other reasons to consider me a bad mother, just not that. FFS.


Speaking of the shits. I've booked in to have a colonoscopy. Seriously, universe? WTF? Is giving birth not orificially invasive enough?  How about pap smears? No? MOFO FFS.  And possibly TMI, heh.
Miss3 shall now be referred to as Naomi Campbell Jnr.  She took to Mstr3 with an old mobile phone, swatting him over the nose with it so forcefully that his nose bled for 20 MINUTES. FFS.
I didn't quite freak out (I totally would've, had Mstr3 not been laughing his ass off over the whole situation).  I did dry retch every time I looked at his bloody nose though, FFS.
So the Twin Tornado spent the rest of the day mimicking my faux vomiting. FFS.
Not surprisingly, Miss3 showed absolutely no remorse. FFS.
FFS!? Friday : The Twin Tornado. Again.
I just paid the equivalent of a shiny new Nespresso for one single term of swimming lessons for the Twin Tornado. FFS.
During their swimming lesson this week, both twins asked to go to the toilet 4 times each. Each trip took around 3 minutes.  Only once did they call toilet at the same time. FFS
That is 12 minutes each of their ridiculously expensive 30 minute lesson that was spent pissing themselves laughing over the water squirting out of the basin in the bathroom. FFS.
Water that was available for their enjoyment in bulk, IN THE POOL AT THE LESSON THEY WERE MISSING. FFS.
Of course if I was to call bullshit on them calling toilet, it would have been the one single time they did legitimately need to go, and I would've been responsible for the pool - ironically - turning a shade of gold. An extravagant shade of gold to match the fees. FFS.
FFS!? Friday : The Twin Tornado. Again.


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