ED Update

Things are tough over here in ED centralThe purging has well and truly wormed it's way back in to my lifeEspecially in the eveningsAnd when I am on my ownIn the eveningsMy family usually gathers in the living roomI use that opportunity to eat in the kitchenAnd purgeWhen I was first put on ProzacIt really helped with my bingeingAnd I managed to reduce my purging to a couple of times a week That stayed that way for about a yearBut a couple of months agoMy purging gradually started to increase againWhy?I can't answer that I really don't know why Now I'm back to purging up to ten times a dayTake yesterday for example My mom and sister drove my Auntie B to the airport And I was alone at home for a few hours I started off with soupAnd two slices of bread and butterPurge Then a ham salad With lettuceSpring onionPotato salad And coleslaw Purge Then I had noodles Purge Pasta Purge Tune sandwich Purge And the day just continued like that Literally walking in circles From the kitchen to the bathroomOver and over again Like a women possessed It's exhausting Draining Utterly soul destroying I hate it But I can't stopI'm stuck in this binge/purge cycleI'm craving certain foods the way I used to crave heroinI need to stop thoughI can't go on like  this I can't live like this It's going to kill me Sooner or later 
If this job does work out I need to get myself together I'm going to need energy to do the jobSo I need to eat properly Giving myself enough energy and nourishment to get through the dayAnd I need to start practicing that straight away I'm seeing Mary this weekSo I will talk it out with her And make a plan for the next few months Both food wise And occupation wise The thought of this job is keeping me going at the moment But I need to be prepared for the fact that it might not work outI need to have a plan BAnd I guess that will be volunteering Either with animals Or the elderly I would be happy doing either oneI'm trying to stay positive But the truth is I am afraid I won't get the job I think about what they are looking for And I'm pretty sure it's not a former drug addict with various mental health issuesBut the thing is I know I could do a good job I know I could thrive and grow and blossom in this position I'm a doer I like to be busy I like to be around people And help people This job is all of those things It's like it was made especially for me I just hope I get to make a case for myself at the interview I'm not too bad at interviews The manger told me that there would be three interviewersWhich sounds a bit daunting But I will give it my best shot I can do know more 
Weight wise I could do with putting on a few pounds My BMI is just over 18And I don't think it suits meI look better when my my BMI is a around 20So I will work on it 
Thank you so much  for all your suppor recently It means so much to me that you are all behind me And encourages me to realize my hopes and dreams I just hope that I can do the same for you tooThank you!! X