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” Are you thick? Are you stupid? “You are an idiot”; that is what I have had all my life just because I am dyslexic and find it hard with stressful things. It all started really when I hit secondary school and was put in special needs for English and Maths. I’ve always been picked on by my brother as he was so clever and my dad and other family members made digs at me for my “dizzy/daft and dyslexic ways”.
As the years went on I believed them , when I got to my 3rd year at school I went to a florists to do my work placement and loved it, I was doing night classes in floristry from being 13. I was devastated when they wrote a report saying I would never be a florist as I never had the eye for it . It hurt me and when I went for my options the career people said not to go down that road as it would amount to nothing.
I thought screw you, I am going to do it and carried on with my night classes for the 3rd year , during my 4th year at school I returned home to find my mom holding a piece of paper saying school thinks I should drop my GSSE in English as I wouldn’t pass it . I was horrified and again another knock to my self esteem but I went to school the next day and told them I was sitting it. They let me thinking I would not do will.
It came to results time and guess what? I bloody passed with a double E, I was so happy and proud of myself. My school had said I wouldn’t be good at floristry so would not give me an application form for the college, I rang the college and got one myself. I remember the day of my interview at the college with my folder of flower arrangements I had made over the years .
The tutor was shocked at my work and said although I did not have the grades I was good at it so let me enrol anyway. I was so happy and proud of myself and for the first time ever so was my dad. I was still getting “your think/stupid” off the family but I wanted to show them unlike my “brainy brother” I could do better .
I passed the first year and went back to do the next level the following year with the support of my tutor and friends. A few years passed and I was still getting the idiot remarks and it got worse. When I got with my now ex, as he was clever and smart he kept telling me I couldn’t cook etc. I had this for 10 years from him.
I then met my new husband and he showed me I could cook, that I was not useless , he built back up my self esteem. When I was pregnant with my 3rd baby I went to dyslexic lessons with the backing and support from my husband. I was doing it for me but also my children as I wanted them to be able to come to me with their homework and me been able to help them, instead of saying sorry mommy can’t help you.
I still feel useless and thick sometimes but I know I have come along way and fought for everything I have done and you know what ….
I am damn proud to say yes I AM dyslexic, yes I suffer and have problems but in no way am I thick or stupid .
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