Humor Magazine

Dumb Shit I Did As A Teenager

By Dmroughton
  • Laid across the middle of a country road in a curve in pitch black night with Barry Jackson and talked about all the girls we were going to get once we got our Driver's Licenses.
  • Did doughnuts in my mom's car in the gravel parking lot across from Deputy Bell's (affectionately known as Booger) house - not knowing he had my parents' number on speed dial.
  • Drank 4 bottles of Cisco (aka Liquid Crack) at one time on the premise that it would not be a problem since the bottles were the same size as a 40 oz beer, and I could drink four of those with no problem. Puked for ten minutes straight and then dry heaved for hours.
  • Got in fight with Mike Cole over a girl in computer class. Fight got so bad, we threw each other across three rows of desks. Subsequently got sent to the office. Didn't say a word to each other on the way down there. Got out of trouble when, unrehearsed, Mike told the principal, "We were just playing around. I don't know why the teacher thought we were fighting." Yeah, why would she think that? lol
  • Played Cornstalk Missiles with Barry Jackson by tossing entire stalks of corn at passing cars.
  • Played similar game, called Rock Hard Unripened Scuppernong Grape Throw, with Glenn Brickhouse.
  • Crawled out of the window of a first story English classroom and went to the gym and played basketball the rest of the day.
  • At a weekend retreat at Mt. Olive College, snuck out of the dorm with Barry Jackson to see some girls *cough*Tracy*cough*, got chased by counselors, out ran them, hid in some bushes and listened to them cuss about how fast we were. Ten minutes later came in the lobby, sweaty and dirty, and acted like we had been there the whole time when the counselors came in 5 seconds behind us.
  • Stole a crate of eggs from my job at  McDonald's at closing time with two someones who shall remain nameless and then tossed the eggs at cars, hitting one on the Alligator River Bridge - leading to a car chase in which I very nearly crapped my pants.
  • While at the School of Science and Math, got in the back seat of a suped up Camaro with a girl named Leigh Noble while two guys I had never met drove us around at approximately 93 miles per hour through Duke University all the while blaring Metallica and offering us various drugs.
That's just a handful of my previous idiocy. If you have more to add, email me.

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