Fear is a common feeling in our daily repertoire of emotions, but of course it is one of the least loved.
I’m not talking about being physically faced with fearful tasks, like bungee jumping, sky diving or swimming with sharks (although I’ve done the last two and can assure you the best way is just to not think about it too much, and jump or dive in. Or back out hastily. Your choice).
The type of fear that I’m speaking of is the more sinister type that, if left unchecked, can infiltrate any and every corner of our minds and have a big impact on our mindsets and our day-to-day lives.
This type of fear usually stems from being faced with the unknown, and from negative anticipation. It’s usually connected with limiting self-belief patterns, such as ‘I can never lose weight’ or ‘I’ll always be alone anyway.’ These belief systems, often built up over a long period of time, can create small or large fears that infiltrate our minds on a daily basis. The fears around the unknown, related to these negative self-belief patterns, could be anxiety around being seen in the gym, or fear that you will never succeed in losing weight so you may as well eat whatever you want anyway. Or, it could be you are nervous about going out and meeting new people because you fear that they won’t like you anyway.
The fears around negative anticipation, also related to your beliefs about yourself, are those that can build up in your mind in anticipation of a task or event. These types of fears are so insidious that they can play havoc with our emotions, ruin our positive mindsets, reduce our self-worth and hold us back in life.
Here’s some of the ways I’ve learnt to overcome fear.
Accept that fear is always going to be there
Don’t try and fight it, or not feel it, or deny it. There’s always going to be fear in life – and that’s a good thing. Imagine if we weren’t scared of anything – it would mean that we have absolutely no regard for our own wellbeing.
The trick is to manage fear as it arises, rather than trying to squash it down.
Feel the fear, and do it anyway
This is one of my favorite quotes from the 2013 ProBlogger conference, hosted by Darren Rowse. He said that to get anything done, we must feel the fear, and do it anyway. Fear is only bad when it prevents you from doing what you would have done otherwise.
Welcome the fear, and use it for energy
Fear is one of the best sources of adrenalin. For example, fear of public speaking is a huge issue for lots of people. Rather than allowing this anxiety to stop you from presenting in public, utilise the energy and draw it into your speech for a truly authentic presentation. Rather than shying away from fear, use it to be fully present in the moment.
What’s the worst that could possibly happen?
Write down the worst thing that could happen, then the second worst, and so on, then write down what the positives could be if it works out.
Now, write down the steps that you are going to take to mitigate the risks, reduce the likelihood of other things going wrong, and increase the chances of everything working out. Once you’ve got it all down on paper you are less likely to have the various scenarios racing through your mind.
Follow feelings of love, not fear
Coach, speaker and author Melissa Ambrosini wrote a great post recently about choosing love over fear. Melissa says, “Closing off. Shutting down. Sliding into the dark… This is what it feels like when we… choose fear instead of love… But there’s an alternative… Expansive. Open. Light. Effortless… This is what it feels like when you choose love.”
This resonated with me, because I think it describes exactly the feelings you get when in a state of emotional fear. So, the answer is to choose love. Rather than focus on all of the negative points, rather, look at all of the good things that could come of doing what you fear. Focus on the best points about yourself, and how you can use those to your best advantage, rather than worrying about the size of your thighs or comparing yourself to the next girl who seems to have more, and do things better and faster than you.
Deal with the negative self beliefs around your fears, rather than trying to squish the fears themselves.
How do you overcome fear in your life?
