Day 3

Technically today is Day 5But it's my third meeting so we will call it Day 3I got to the lunch time meeting today And will go to the 7pm NA this eveningWhich will be my first NA meetingIt's great to have lunch time meetings to go toBecause some days it can feel like forever waiting for the evening meeting And it's great to start the day off on a good startChicken soup for the soulI know I would go everyday if they were onBut I get to about 3 or 4 a weekAnd that is great
It was a small meeting todayJust six of usCreepy man was there So I did my best to avoid himIt was a lovely meetingSome people were talking about nature and animalsSo when it was my turnI shared about Honey and LeaAnd how much they have helped meI also spoke about Lea And how her fur fell out when I went in to hospitalAnd then grew back when I began to recoverSo I really enjoyed the meetingI am getting used to speaking in front of othersAnd don't get so anxious before hand
I had a phone call from Mary's secretaryTo tell me that Mary had to cancel today's appointmentI am disappointedBut hopefully will get to see her next weekIt's something to look forward to
My confidence is slowly coming backIt really was non existentI felt so low in myselfCouldn't find any redeeming features about myselfI felt like I left a trail of destruction in my wakeThat I hurt everyone aroundA burdenA no goodEating disorderedDrug addictedUselessWaste of spaceI really thought I had nothing to offerThat I was bad through and throughBad to the boneBut you what I am starting to realise?That I am not a bad personI never wasYesI have done some amazingly stupid things in my time If there was a stupid Olympics I would win gold every timeBut the person who hurt the most through all my shenanigans Was meNow that I am clean and soberI know that deep down I am inherently goodI want to do the right thingI don't want to hurt myself or othersI want to be a good person
It's amazing the difference a few days and a few meetings can makeAlmost three weeks agoMy world came tumbling down As my family found out about my using It rocked them to the coreMy mother, my sister and IStood in my bedroomThem demanding that I get rid of any drugs that were in the houseAnd my refusing to do it in front of themI honestly can't remember the last time I saw my Mum so angry and upsetIt shocked me
Fast forward three weeksAnd things are a lot betterAs quickly as things can go downhillThe can also turn around just as quicklyI fought with myself for so long about meetings And struggled to accept that I needed themI wanted to do things my wayThe Ruby wayIt might have worked in the short termBut if I want a life free from drink and drugsThen I need to have some sort of planAnd meetings are a good planI'm not entirely sure why they are so effectiveEssentially an AA or NA meeting is a gathering of addictsWho come together to exchange their experience, strength and hopeWe sit and shareAbout our livesAnd our addiction And most importantly about out recoveryI always come out of a meeting re energised And full of hopeThey do the trick every time 
Now I am wondering why I avoided meetings for so longI bobbed along On my ownRunning on the fumes of recovery Holding on by my finger nailsIt took me way too long to find my way back to the roomsBut at least I got there
I feel like I have a chance nowA chance of a good life Free from drink and drugsAnd all the bullshit that goes with themThere is a woman at the meetings who calls the chairs 'priceless' seats She is right Those seats are precious And not to be taken for granted I just feel very grateful today For meetingsFor my family My friends And my dogsAs they sayCount your blessings slowlyAnd one at a time