Day #19 Life's Lessons

Greetings HH'ers!  Did you see the "Rules for being Human" that I posted on my Facebook page?!  They were just what I needed to hear today...  This one especially called my name: #3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."  Hallelujah!!!!  Just last night, I was crying on my boyfriend's shoulder telling him; "I've failed again."  Read further to hear the why behind my tears of frustration...
My biggest hang up in moving forward with my business, and this blog, sounded a little something like this:  "How will people see that I can help them, when I seemingly can't help myself?!"  In 2005, at my lightest adult weight, sure - but now, having gained back most of my weight - who will think I have anything to offer?!  And furthermore, I committed to 30 days of detox; and I have failed because we have eaten a few things with sugar...  How can I lead if I fail?"
And then I remembered this(thanks to the human lessons noted above);
1) There is no straight line to good health.  Not one single person who considers themselves to be healthy - emotionally, physically, professionally, or spiritually, would say that they don't struggle, or sometimes make less than ideal choices.
2) I want to be for others, what I didn't find in the Health Industry - someone who truly understands the nature of my struggle - and who has found some success in changing their lives for the better.  No offense, but if you've never struggled with being more than 20lbs. overweight, you just can't understand my reality.  If you've always been athletic, and juiced since the age of 20 - you can teach me things, yes... but you cannot validate my experience, and offer me hope that a different future is possible; despite the overwhelming obstacles, the ingrained bad habits, and the many failed attempts.
3) This is NOT a diet I am on.  I am so effing done with dieting!  So if I am NOT on a diet, then what have I failed?  Seriously, this is just life - and some days we choose better than others.  Big deal - focus on what has gone right in the past 19 days, don't beat yourself up for the few less then perfect days!  And I have accomplished a lot in the past few weeks - thanks to my boyfriend who helped point some of those things out.(we all need someone who can see the best in us, when we can only see the worst)
So there you have it.  I have had sugar in a few Vegan baked goods, BUT in 19 days I have NOT had: Animal Products(no meat, butter, eggs, seafood, ice cream, cheese, etc) of any kind, No Gluten, No Caffeine(OMG) no added salt, no alcohol, and mostly no sugar!!!  And you want to know what else?  I have decided to say screw 30 days, I'm committing to ONE YEAR!(My boyfriend is out of town today, and has not heard this news :)  There are so many reasons behind my choice; but this little quote(from a Vegan cookie package - ironic but true) sums it up: 
"No single food choice has a farther-reaching and more profoundly positive impact on our health, the environment, and all of life on Earth, than choosing Vegan." 
I worry about isolating people - but please know that this is my personal choice, and I respect EVERY ONE'S personal choices about health.  In fact, I encourage them - hopefully me listening to my inner voice(despite a lot of differing opinions) will inspire you to do the same.  Back in 2003, I said I would give Weight Watchers one year - and if I hadn't lost weight - I'd have the gastric bypass surgery.  I lost 100lbs. that first year... but I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, and binge drinking every weekend.  This path is going to be very different.
I plan to blog as much as I can through this process to share with you every part, the good, the bad and the ugly.  My hope is that you will see/hear something in my journey, that moves you forward on yours.  The specific food choices and activities don't need to look the same; it is the experience of overcoming food as a drug that I most want to convey.  I hope that you'll stay tuned, and tell everyone you know.  There is strength in numbers, and I know I'm not alone in fighting the battle to make choices I feel good about, and to live the life I was meant to live.  Who is with me?