There’s a new book titled Dating after 50 for Dummies—written by AARP relationship expert, Pepper Schwartz, PhD. Who would have thought that the AARP would have their own relationship expert? It’s not the same world that boomers grew up in when older folks retired and headed for a quiet pasture.
The Today Show did a segment on the book and Dr. Schwartz offered advice to boomers who are entering or reentering the dating scene. As I watched it, I thought, there’s little being said here that is different from what we advise younger daters to do.
On the show, Dr. Schwartz emphasized the importance of knowing new technology, picking up a new hobby to meet people, and presenting yourself in an accurate way. Two out of three are important to stress with all ages—but younger folks don’t need any prompting regarding the importance of technology. Actually, they may have the opposite problem of too much use of technology and how this interferes with relating and intimacy. But I’ll save that for another blog post.
Trying new activities in order to meet people is always a great idea, but only if these things are something the person is genuinely interested in and would enjoy even if they didn’t meet compatible singles to date. They would still be spending time pursuing a passion, would meet like-minded people for friendship/companionship—and these new friends have friends who have friends. Think about the networking possibilities.
Presenting yourself in an accurate way is always important because if you don’t, you will get busted eventually—and that is not a fun experience. Trying to market a false version of yourself could get you more initial winks, email and first dates—but it won’t lead to anything more. Instead, you will most likely anger or annoy the other person who feels duped and that they have wasted their time. A lose/lose all around.
I would also add that there are real differences in dating at 25 and dating at 55. Older daters aren’t looking for great potential parents in the people they date, money is an issue but only in that they may not want to combine their resources if they marry. After all, most people want their children to inherit their wealth after they pass. A partner’s health is a much bigger issue with older daters. No one wants to end up a caregiver to someone they have only been with for a couple of years. Most importantly—what boomers look for in potential mates will be informed by years of living and most likely, marriage. The things they wanted when they were young could be very different now. Stability, good health, a great sense of humor, someone who is easy to be around, financial stability and independence—and an overall great companion are highly ranked qualities with older daters.
So if you are over 50 and dating—check out this book, put your dancing shoes on, get out there and have fun—and Mr./Ms. Right might just happen along.
