Course Update

So this morning I had an appointment with the course coordinator of the horsemanship course I want to do Her name is AtlantaI arrived in the building bang on 10amIf I am anything I am punctualWith a name like Atlanta I expected her to look like a mermaidOr a Disney princess But to my disappointment she was a real live human being Very friendly And filled me in on the course content They do three days in the classroom Monday to Wednesday And Thursday and Friday are spent in the stables There are about eight modules Including horse riding and health and safety Plus some optional modules Like IT and communicationsThe days are quite long 9am to 4pm But there is a half day on a Friday Which is nice Atlanta read my application And told me that their psychologist may want to see me before I start Just to make sure I am ready and able for the course I don't sweat about things like that I know I can come across well with a bit of effort Atlanta told me that I am welcome to try the course out for a few days To see if I like it She suggested next weekBut as it turns outNext week is not good for meSo it will have to be the week afterAt least that will give me an idea if it is for me or not I also have to contact my localSocial welfare office To let them know I am starting the course It was a lot to take in today But I really like the sound of the course I am going to take tonight to think about it And ring Atlanta tomorrow with my decisionOf course If I start this course It will rule out my horse therapy on a Wednesday That means so much to me And I will miss it so much if I have to leave But I also know that I have to move on at some stage If I want to progress I wrote a lot on my application about the the role animals can play in therapy And Atlanta said the course tutors also believed this So that is great that we are on the same page
I guess what worries meAnd causes me some anxiety Is not so much the course itself I mean I am pretty sure that I will love it It's everything around the course that causes me concern I live about a 35minute drive from the centre And if the course starts at 9amI will need to leave home shortly after 8amThen there is the issue of parking I worked out they I could get a bus in and out So that would probably be the best optionAs the thought of driving every day stresses me out Even though I spent the summer working I know doing a full time course is really going to tire me out At first for certainThen hopefully I will become accustomed to it And it will become easier Then there is the pressure of starting in a new place with new people I guess those first few weeks when I am finding my feet will be tough But once I am settled in Hopefully things will become more manageable Also I have two dogs they need looking after So if I do this course They probably won't get walked every day And they will spend most of the day with my Mam and Dad rather than meThat doesn't pose a huge problem But it's something to think about I know when I come in in the evening They will want attention and hugs And it's going to be an adjustment period for all of us So yes A lot to think about But I am really hoping I can rejig things so that I can attend the courseAnd I can still maintain my recovery Which is paramount Because with out my recovery I literally have nothing It is the foundation of my whole lifeAnd it has to take priority There will be some practical things that need to be sorted Like changing my doctor day from Monday to Friday Organising meds I'm pretty sure I will have to start taking my meds at night rather than the morning As I don't want t be drowsy in classMy good friend Fintan had some wise words for me recently He said that if it excites meAnd scares meThen I should probably do it And it does It both thrills me and terrifies meIsn't that always the way with dreams?I will take tonight To weigh up the pros and cons of doing this course But in my heart I know what I want to doI just know 
I met a friend for lunch in town today also A girl who was in treatment with me a couple of years ago We meet up every few weeks To catch up Listen Chat Give advice and take someToday we talked a lot about perfectionism My friend would suffer with this As do I I don't know if I always was like this Because it's only in recovery that I have started to recognize it I really noticed it in work this summer Agonising over decisionsStaying late to check and re check everything I didIt was pretty badAnd when I came home I would stress over whether I had left everything onEven worrying that the place would burn down because I forgot to turn off the gas or something similarPerfectionism really seems to be a trait of anorexia In EDs in general Today I told my friend a little thing my sister taught meThat done is better than perfect!Love that!Because I know I could never finish anything For fear that it wasn't perfect I swear Life is too short people 
Anyway That is my little update for the day Thank you for reading And if you have any feedback about the course I would be grateful Do I stay where I am?Continuing horse therapy once a weekOr do I push myself?And throw myself in to this course?I'd love to know what you think...