I don’t even think that was chicken.
Sunjai Made Cuts. OMG OMG OMG!! Sunjai Made Cuts. OMG OMG OMG!! Sunjai Made Cuts.
There’s proud. And then there’s Baby Daddy Proud. And that’s how we do.
Just saying if she mess up, Imma gon’ snatch your damn head off like it’s your Mama’s wig.
Check it, gurlz. I got my baby some balloons at iParty and found me a cardboard Jay-Z that is sooo fine.
Whatchoo wanna bet that last one ain’t floating so well cuz she sucked half the helium out of it.
Oprah sez: You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You all get a car…and yo Mama’s Crazy!
Hold up. Hold up.
Y’all might have to give me a minute.
I’m still coming down from last episode’s BabyBuzz and now we already have to do this again? Seriously? Maybe it really is a good thing that Bring It! is only one hour long, because two hours would might just lay me out for the rest of the week.
Psych. Kidding. Of course this show needs to be two hours long.
Der. Love.
After the Baby Dancing Dolls (…‘Baby’ don’t mean ‘Baby,’ yo…) and the maternal DDPs (…‘Mama’ does mean ‘Bidnezz,’ tho…) did all the heavy lifting last week, it was time for the Original Recipe Dancing Dolls to come off the inactive list and get back to twerk.
And work.
This week the whole team would be staying local and only heading across the street to Jackson’s very own Buck It To The Floor competition, which up until the third commercial break I really thought was called the Bucket To The Floor competition.
Like a community clean-up day in the park or playground. Or at that Tougaloo College they seem to like so much. They go there enough.
Don’t laugh. It would totally make sense since the Dolls are so heavily into being amazing role models and making a positive difference in their community.
(Which they are. And they do, thank you very much. Haters just gonna hate. XOXO.)
But srsly. Dianna Williams either needs to start talking a little slower or I need to work a little harder at putting some ‘thug’ in it, because half the time I just pretend to know what she’s saying. I think my girl Kayla is about to give up on me after 17 episodes.
No wonder she makes so many faces.
And don’t even get me started on Neighborhood Security Cam Mimi.
Who I totally heart, BTW. But if she’s on her third cup of Starbuck’s or a giant bug lands on her face…forget about it. When that happens, I’m probably better off just turning down the volume and talking like Charlie Brown‘s teacher. MwahMwah4L!
Love. Them. All. Dot.com. Two hours, please.
At this week’s competition the Dolls would be focused on the Stand Battle only and be coming up against the Precise Diamonds, the Sensational Divas, the return of Virtuous Divine and the Girls Who Post Naughty Nurse Halloween Photos On Facebook Every Single Year And Then Wonder Why They Can’t Find A Nice Boy.
The last time the Dolls faced Virtuous Divine, it was a close match. Despite the fact that Virtuous Divine held a little girl up in the air for so long that half the audience left early to beat traffic, the Dolls still ended up winning the competition and I ended up using all my best ‘VD hysteria spread throughout the crowd’ jokes on the last recap.
And now I got nuthin.
Because of their history, Miss D knew that no matter how well prepared the girls were on the big day, VD could attack with a burning vengeance (…ok, maybe I still had one pretty good one left…) so she got right down to rehearsing some fresh new Stands while the Mamas lurked outside on the sidewalk.
Today’s Hot Topic: Sunjai.
Despite her progress, Sunjai had still not made cuts even once this season and both Mama Seloncé and my little red firecracker Tina were just ’bout ready to flip their lids.
Again.
Or at least Tina was. Her lid seems to be more easily detached than Seloncé’s.
Remember that? That time when Tina snatched her own wig and threatened to not put it back on again until Sunjai made cuts?
And she had all that IDon’tKnowWhatThatWas hair underneath? The kind of hair that looked like those dolls you bring to Bingo Night and rub for good luck right before the machine starts popping out ping pong balls? That kind of hair.
What? What? What? What? Please put that back on yo’ head.
That. Was. Awesome. And we got to see it again.
That one scene alone sums up the DDPs. They fight. They yell. They snatch and pat and dance and laugh until they can’t breath. And then they usually fight some more.
But while they’re getting all up in your face, you can rest assured that they got your back.
They probably got cookies in the trunk, too. But they got your back for sure.
For real. And for life. DDP4L.
(Repeat: Love. Them. All. Dot.com. Two hours, please.)
Lawd…if Sunjai make cuts, please lemme be at that party. Amen.
Back inside, the Dolls were fine tuning a new Stand, appropriately named ‘VD.’
Part Michael Jackson‘s Thriller, part Frankenstein when he first steps off the lab table and part how I look when I’m trying to avoid mud puddles because I’m too cheap to buy suede spray for my Banana Republic shoes, it was basically a dig at the signature JerkWalk the VD’s do right before they begin a Stand.
Unfortunately, Sunjai was having a little trouble keeping up with the new shizz. She had the old Stands pretty much under control, but learning and memorizing the new choreography was proving to be a bit of a challenge due to the fact that her memorization is kinda bad. Her memorization.
Well, not bad. Just not good. Her memorization, that is. It’s not that bad. Just not good.
Which she totally said. Which made my head hurt a little, but also made me want to be her new BFF and go for seaweed facials next weekend.
While Sunjai did her best to make sure that her not really bad just not that good memorization improved, we scooted over to the Virtuous Divine studio to watch Director Fulvia Ford in action. Or Action Hero, I should say.
Because that’s totally what her name reminds me of…one of those comic book action hero figures that always fall off the pegs at Target even if you barely touch them.
And once that happens, good luck putting them on eBay because nobody wants a Flame Throwing Princess Fulvia with a dinged up cardboard corner. Trust me.
Yes. I’m aware that some online pervs say Fulvia’s name sounds more like a naughty lady part than a comic book character. But they’re wrong. And they’re also pervs. Why else would anyone be online talking about naughty lady parts on a Wednesday night?
I mean, can’t you totally see Fulvia in head-to-toe Fulvian spandex, harnessing the power of that pearl necklace (…clearly made out of pearls harvested from the Fulviatic Sea back on her home planet of Fulvania…) to fight crime or something? Especially when she demonstrated that run down the studio floor in front of the girls and did that turn with her invisible lasso? You know exactly what I’m talking about.
With trusty sidekick Co-Captain Jasmine by her side, of course.
We liked Jasmine. Quite a bit, actually. Great smile. She just needs to learn how to talk into the camera without sounding like she’s doing an 8th grade book report. But I’d be nervous, too. Bonus points were given for talking in a superhero costume.
And then back in Jackson, in the Name of God Jesus, Dianna blew a nutty on Sunjai. And it was a Miss D-sized nutty. Which is even bigger than the ones you can buy at Costco.
Miss D had trust issues with Sunjai. For the LuvOfGawd she couldn’t figure out why Sunjai works so hard and then just stops right before the finish line.
What time is it? It’s Tough Love Time.
Not fair to the Team. Not fair to yourself. A slap in the face to everyone.
It was a Hallmark Moment, a Maya Angelou Moment, a Teaching Moment and the first Rocky movie all wrapped up in one big Miss D NuttyBar.
And then Sunjai got cut. Again.
Even the Mamas heard that one all the way outside. Which made Seloncé cry like Erica Kane used to cry on All My Children. Seloncé even cries Pretty.
Activate: DD4L! Tina and Mimi came racing to her side for support, proving that they really are all one big, albeit slightly dysfunctional, Dancing Doll Family.
Side note: Tina’s “I Love My Curves” t-shirt. Shut. Up. Why aren’t we dating yet?
(That was a joke, Terrell. Pump your brakes, Big Guy.)
And then right when everyone, and everything, appeared ready to implode…JJ showed up. Baby Daddy to the rescue! Cuz a Daddy’s gotta do what a Daddy’s gotta do.
And what this Daddy’s gotta do right now is calm everyone down. Work his JJMagic on the hysterical crowd. Which he did. Daddy Baby Sunjai went back inside to continue learning the Stands, Seloncé dabbed her eyeliner like a Real Housewife of Jackson and Tina just kinda stood there popping her wig on and off a few times.
In Tina’s defense, the whole thing did get a little confusing with everyone spinning around and crying so much. I wasn’t sure what she was really supposed to do, either.
Side note: Some Twitter Twits actually complained that Mimi was too low-key this week.
Excuse me? One…I know you didn’t just diss my girl. Two…let’s see you try being a good friend to someone in need while you’re running with scissors at 100 mph.
In a circle. With no earrings and one sneaker.
It’s called an On/Off switch for a reason, people. Don’t you worry. She’s still a handful.
The next morning, with only a few hours to go before the competition, Sunjai met up with Kayla for some one-on-one Stand Battle Training. Going to get those seaweed facials a few weeks back (…without me, in case you two didn’t even notice…) really seemed to help them grow closer. Kayla wanted to be both a good friend and a good Captain to Sunjai as she struggled with her memorizational confidence and was more than willing to run her through the choreography a few times in a really big smiley face shirt.
Finally, it was Showtime! And time for Sunjai to ask for one last chance.
Wait. What?
Stand Battle Cuts an hour before the performance? Really?
That idea’s as crazy as yo’ Mama, girl.
But it happened. And it worked. And Sunjai nailed it. And then, after threatening to haunt Kayla for eternity from the grave if Sunjai even f***d up one 8 count of the Stand Battle, Dianna chillaxed and allowed Sunjai to perform with the girls.
Hold hands and say it with me: Sunjai. Made. Cuts.
And the crowd went wild. Seloncé pretty much lost her marbles and ran out of the building to buy an impromptu ballon arch that spelled out her daughter’s name in silver mylar, because I guess Jackson has a lot of places open on a Saturday that can rush job a balloon arch guaranteed to block the view of everyone in the back half of an auditorium.
Srsly. I can’t even find four dozen Batman plates at the last minute, but Seloncé knows a guy who knows how to spell ‘Sunjai.’
Mimi and Tina’s faces, though. Lawd, those two.
After one last warning (…when Miss D talks with her pinky, you know what that means…) Sunjai hit the floor and made her team proud. And her Mama and Baby Daddy proud.
And the rest of the DDPs and the DDDs.
And even me. Not gonna lie. A little emotional.
The new Stand was a success and gave little Camryn a chance to show all those suckahs at APAC what they missed out on. You might want to file this one under “Y” for ‘Your Loss,’ Mr. Dean of Admissions. Yeah, I’m talking to you.
And then the Dancing Dolls won it all!
The Fulvanian Assault was well executed, but just wasn’t enough to compete with the new and improved Sunjai & The Dollettes.
Dianna was excited for her girls. And for Sunjai, who proved that hard work and believing in yourself and your dreams can really pay off in the long run.
It’s called a Goal, kids. Google it.
Needless to say, Seloncé and JJ were beyond excited for their daughter. Daddy Baby done gooooood. Big hugz.
And Kayla?
Phew. Kayla was just excited that she didn’t have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night and seeing Dianna sitting in a chair on the other side of the room watching her sleep. Because I’m thinking that when Dianna Williams says that she is gonna hold you accountable for something…she is gonna hold you accountable.
Everyone’s prayers were answered.
Sunjai made cuts.
Now please. Put that back on yo’ head.
DD4L!
