Here’s the thing: I’ve changed.
Yes, the fundamentals are the same. Yes, the core values are the same. What I thought I wanted from life – both in the short-term and long-term, however, is not the same. It’s like I woke up one morning and decided I just didn’t need to live up to any expectations. I didn’t need to put up with things I didn’t want to put up with. And I didn’t need to be around certain types of people anymore.
So, what do you do when those certain types of people are your friends?
Now I’m not talking about those few good friends that you’re stuck with for life. I am blessed to have a couple of those and no matter where I am in the world, I know if I really needed something I could count on them. I’m talking about some of the friends that you made in college, that you hung out with on the best and worst nights of your college experience and you reminisce about how awesome those nights were. But all of a sudden, you find yourself not caring to spend time with them; or simply not caring.
Here’s the thing: They’ve changed too (or they haven’t and that’s kind of the problem).
Technically, it’s not really a problem that some of my friends haven’t changed or that they have. They shouldn’t have to live up to my expectations or anyone else’s either. But we have different interests, and we’re having different experiences that are shaping who we’re becoming. I know that I don’t care for the same types of things I cared for a year ago. I know that I care about things I never used to care about too. All these things have changed the dynamic of my relationships with some of my college friends.
When some friendships start feeling like too much effort or you’re not willing to put up with certain attitudes or beliefs. Or you find yourself apologizing to new friends because of your old friends, well it’s time to re-evaluate your friendships.
I know I should probably cut some of my college friends some slack – this is the crazy twenty something stage and we’re all just trying to figure ourselves whilst “keeping it together.” Maybe this is just a rough or rather a stale patch in some of my friendships. The thing is I also made a few really good friends in college and even though we live in different cities and are having different experiences, we’re still really good friends. When I consider those friends and the friends I want to stop bothering to care about, it makes me think that some friendships just run their course.
I was once told by one of my really good friends that if a friend can’t give you what you need, just like if a boyfriend can’t give you what you need, well, you thank them for their time and you move on. There will always be a special place in my heart for anyone who’s ever been my friend especially during my college years but I’m starting to think it’s time for me to move on. I’m not getting what I need from some of those friendships.
Am I in the wrong? Should I just wait and see rather than flat-out stop caring? Have you ever broke up with your college friends? How did you deal with it?
Tagged as: college, friendships, life post college, quarterlife crisis, twentysomethings