It's been a long time since you even thought of another person in a romantic way. Now, you are considering dating and getting back in the game after a long-term relationship has ended. Things have changed since you were single. Here's a primer to help you wade back in the single waters.
Keep It Breezy
You're used to living with a person and confiding in them. That's called intimacy, something that's built over years. It's likely you're vulnerable and pining for the same level of companionship, but getting too personal or specific on first dates is inappropriate and emotionally careless. Keep conversations light, don't get too specific, and try not to be intense, even if you think there is a spark.
Find Single Friends
You have built an army of couple friendly pals with your ex and neglected your single friends. Now is the time to give single friends a jingle and learn how to act accordingly when out in the dating world. Single friends can give you direction on popular night spots, the right and wrong things to say on a first date, etc.
Try Online Dating
Some are reluctant to get involved with online dating. It's fairly new but more people are meeting better halves through online dating services. Try one or two and see what's out there. In worst case scenarios, you spend a little bit of money to find out that it's not for you. In the best scenario, you don't have to go to bars or singles meetups, yet you have some opportunity to meet others who want a relationship.
Find a Hobby
Sitting at home and sulking is not an appropriate exercise for singles. It's better to adopt an old or new hobby and get out of the home. Even better, join a running club and meet others who like to stay in shape. If exercise is not your thing, attend cooking classes, painting exhibitions, or poetry readings.
Don't Rush
Don't rush into a new relationship; you're not emotionally healed or ready to love another person. As mentioned, you may be pining for that special connection, but it takes time, and you won't find it immediately following a breakup.
Find Yourself
A breakup from a long-term relationship can be mindblowing. Some suddenly realize they were a totally different person with their ex. It's important to find yourself again after a breakup, which requires alone time and thinking. Some go ten years or more as a dependent and forget what it's like to be 'themselves.'
Realize Speed Dating Is Okay
You may feel awkward about the notion of dating a lot of people. You don't need to get romantic with each, but it's good to get a sense of what you like and what you don't prefer. You don't need to disclose your dating philosophy to others, but tell candidates that you're just 'dipping your toes' in the dating scene.
Be Safe
You can trust your long-term partner but singles need to be safe in protecting their bodies during sex. Use contraception and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Seek information at SaferSTDTesting. There is no shame in asking potential partners if they have been tested and asking for proof. Being responsible means being safe with your body and considering the welfare of others.
Make General Assumptions
It's suggested to keep things breezy for several reasons. You don't want to seem needy. Also, you don't want to give your hopes up because it's likely those who you're dating are also seeing other people. Unless there is an explicit commitment, it's safe to make some general assumptions about the other person's dating life.
Keep It Fun
Dating shouldn't feel like a job. Keep it fun by incorporating things you like to do and places you love to see. Don't get too focused on meeting the perfect person. Get comfortable dating again and the right one will appear. You can preface meeting others by stating you would like to be friends first. That way, no one feels teased or confused about your intentions.
Appropriately Set the Bar
You can't expect to find your next love on the first date but you should not write off any early dates because of timing. Love requires chemistry and that takes time to flourish. So you'll need to balance your wants with reality and your expectations with a dash of optimism. The first six to twelve months focus on getting reacquainted with the dating scene and don't place added pressure on yourself to get back in a relationship.
Liam Hancock found himself back in the dating game after 20 years of marriage came to an end. He's writing about navigating the modern world of dating and relationships and how best to get back on that dating horse!
**
