Assessing Your Family Dynamics

Every family has strengths and weaknesses but do you know what yours are?

When you stop and look at your family unit what do you see? Can you pinpoint the areas of strengths and the areas that could do with some improvements?

Its so easy to think of all the negatives;

• You are always rushing around
• Your baby does not sleep through the night
• Your finances do not stretch
• You never get round to meeting up with friends for a coffee
• You never have time to cook home-made food
• Your toddler throws a tantrum whenever you leave the house

We all fall into a negative parenting trap at times and it can leave us feeling as if we are somehow failing at motherhood.

Routine is key to solving many of the everyday parenting problems. If you find you never have spare time, then its time to make a “time plan” and ensure you do.

A time Plan = Certain times of the day that you set aside for various tasks. This plan can include the morning routine, shopping, work, time to spend as a family, homework and bedtime. Use the pan well and devise each task into a time frame and stick to it.

Do you find yourself stressed on a morning? Will the kids not get dressed or are you rushing out of the house still eating breakfast? If so then its time to get up a little earlier and look at making a morning routine.

Simple tasks like preparing for the next days outfits and having them ready the night before can save you ten minutes of rushing around trying to find the kids something clean to wear.

Look at your week in a whole, are there certain days where everything happens? Can you juggle some of these tasks onto other days when you have more readily available time?

Some mums worry too much about the time they spend with their children, they try to jam pack every available activity into the rare days off work or the weekends, this can often leave the kids feeling drained. You don’t have to be constantly amusing the children, allow them to learn to entertain themselves at times.

When the kids are fighting or refusing to behave, is there a pattern? Are they fighting over a certain toy? Is it bedtime and they are tired? Look into what is causing this problem and look at resolving it.

If we break every negative aspect down into little steps then the bigger picture does not feel as out of reach.

Is your partner supporting you and are you both on the same wave length when it comes to parenting? Is one of you an easy touch? Do you children play you off towards each other? If mums says no, will dad say yes?

Sit down with your partner and prepare a plan together, so you both know what your doing and share the load. Is there times they are free to help collect the kids from school or do the weekly shop?

Do you share the chores at home, do older children help out? Its time to start delegating tasks to others and asking for help. Mums burn themselves out far too quickly by trying to do everything. You don’t have to do anything, a family is made up of others and everyone should be helping.

Have you set form boundaries within your home and do your children know what is expected from there. Positive praise or reward systems can make a great difference to a child’s behaviour and they are often more eager to please you when they are rewarded with a happy mum. A smile and a hug are worth just as much to a child as a bar of chocolate.

Discipline can be the cause of arguments when your partner and yourself disagree. You both need to discuss punishments as both follow through. How many warnings will be given? What consequences will your child face when they break the rules or cross the boundaries?

Ensure you have a support system firmly in place, this can be your family or friends. Make time to spend with your partner away from the children, your not just parents. Arrange a weekly/monthly get together with friends. Its all to easy to just be mum.

More importantly, make time for you. Even if this is just half an hour soaking in the bath tub with a book. Make it special and pour in those bubbles and take a cuppa with you. Lock the door and attach a do not disturb sign on the door.

Having a family meeting around the kitchen table can be the time to air your views. What is working and what is not. What do you and your family members want to see changing. Ask the older children what they think could be changed. What activities would they like to do in the dedicated family time. The more involved the children feel, the more they will follow the rules set out.

Don’t forget to remember your family strengths, its all to easy to concentrate on the weaknesses that we loose sight of what an amazing family we really have.