You know that as a woman, we have a wicked sixth sense. We know when our man has told a white lie to pad his ego and that sometimes when he teases, he’s just trying to see if you’re taking him (and everything else) too seriously. Sometimes, ya just know, even if you have no real hardcore evidence to back you up.
But there are times when you WANT evidence to back you up! You NEED evidence to back you up! Not to prove to him necessarily, but to prove to yourself that you’re not crazy and that something is not right. It may not be wrong per se, but something is certainly off.
What do you do when you feel like you’re being overly paranoid and need proof to calm your nerves?
1. Walk away from the situation
Don’t walk away from the relationship (just yet), but walk away from whatever is irking you. That may mean actually physically taking a walk around the block to clear your head. It may mean going to a yoga class to clear your mind chatter. It may mean getting in your car and driving around with the radio off. It may mean mentally telling your rambling thoughts to take a hike. Whatever you choose to do, take a step back and focus on something else for a moment. This will help you get clear and centered.
2. Notice the familiarity
Sometimes, without even noticing it, we react to our new partners based on what our ex did to us. Sometimes your current boo’s behavior mimics your ex’s behavior and you believe that it has the same meaning. You may want to fly off the handle and curse his ass out or put all of his clothes in a garbage bag and say “Good riddens!”
However, before doing anything you may regret, take an internal peak at what you’re reacting to. Is it reminding you of some situation or person from the past? If so, how? How did this situation from the past make you feel? Did you end up reacting the way you wanted to?
Before actually launching an all out Nancy Drew on your man, how about you do that on yourself first. Not to let him off the hook, but so that if you do need to approach him, you’ll be able to tell him in a language he understands.
3. What’s his number?
After you’ve gotten clear that this is in fact, not a reenacted scene from your past, now it’s time to find out what’s really going on. Is this the first time you’ve had this irky feeling about your man? Is it a repeated feeling? Do you only feel this at certain times of the day or when he participates in certain activities? The number of times you’ve felt this irkiness can be an intuitional hit that something is going on. In which case, you need to have a chat with him.
4. Getting to the bottom
Try, with all your might, to avoid the phrase “We need to talk.” He will instantly get on the defense and you’ll end up more frustrated than before.
How about while you’re cooking dinner together, casually bring up what’s irking you. Make sure he’s doing something like chopping veggies or setting the table. If he’s watching ESPN or MSNBC, he will tune you out, so bring it up during a time when he’s being active but not necessarily mentally preoccupied. For example, helping you cook dinner, brushing his teeth, washing & drying dishes, or driving to the store. The key is you want to bring up what’s bothering you, get a straight answer, without him feeling like you think he’s a horrible person.
It’s a little tricky, but it’ll be totally worth it in the end. You’ll get a little bit more clarity about whether you’re being paranoid or if something is really up, and he won’t feel like he needs a lawyer to talk to you.
5. Know when to walk
Sometimes, as most women in relationships know, a lot of our interpretations of his behavior is simply our own old baggage coming to the light. However, there are times when, without a shadow of a doubt, you know you’re not being paranoid and that he’s really being a sneaky, sly, S.O.B. Don’t be afraid to follow your gut and walk away if need be.
What are your thoughts? Share them below.