39 weeks and 5 days. I’m still pregnant (and still enjoying the experience). Below is a letter I wrote to Lucy…and a recipe for an Apple Walnut Pie. A family favorite that would make 4th of July or really any celebration a little bit better.
Dear Lucy,
I could fill a book with my thoughts towards you (and perhaps one day I will) but as the days draw close to your birth, my mind circles around these few simple words.
Light. Your name means bringer of light. We found out I was pregnant with you after months of being told, “it just wouldn’t happen.” We, like scared children, were given you, this great gift of life, after the deaths of your papa’s father…of our nephew, Jeremy…of my sister, your aunt Pam…of her husband, your Uncle Mike. Lucy, we had spent too many nights in Intensive Care Units, holding the hands of our loved ones, saying goodbye. We walked around like victims of a war we didn’t start…and didn’t know how to end. Little did we know that restoration would come with a round blob on an ultrasound screen. The day we heard your heart beat was the day our own hearts finally began to heal. We learned that light always comes. No matter how dark or how long the night seems.
Laughter. You make us laugh already. By how you respond to our voices, shifting my belly from the right to the left. And those tiny hiccups that we can feel in the mornings and the evenings, our hands pressed up tight against your hidden chest. We want our home to brim with laughter. We want you to grow up surrounded by joy. We will delight in who you are, and we hope you can see how much we delight in each other.
Longing. Within your papa and me are deep longings for things beyond this world. There is much that our culture celebrates and encourages—this endless accumulation of possession and notoriety. But Lucille Amelia, no possession can begin to replicate the love of another human being, the true companionship of a friend. No job or title or success story can soothe your soul like a walk through an untouched forest, like sitting beside a crashing sea. We will help you find success in this world, but more importantly we hope to awaken a longing for things beyond…and show you what it means to live a fulfilled life.
I want you here now. These last few days are bittersweet. We have been together for months now. I know your movements as if they were my own. But I’ll never be far from you. Your soul and my soul will always be attached, even when our bodies are no longer depending on the same life source. So we’re waiting and we’re ready and we’re so thankful for this gift.
Apple Walnut Pie
2 discs of pie dough (homemade or store-bought)
6-8 large granny smith apples, peeled and thinly sliced
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup walnuts
1 lemon
4 tablespoons butter
1 egg lightly beaten
2 teaspoons cane sugar
2 tablespoons finely chopped walnuts
In a food processor, pulse together sugar and walnuts, about 10-15 seconds. Place sliced and peeled apples in a large bowl and pour sugar mixture over top. Squeeze lemon over apples and gently stir. Set aside.
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. On lightly floured surface, slightly flatten one pastry disc. Roll it from center to edges to form a circle 12 inches in diameter. Wrap pastry circle around the rolling pin. Unroll pastry into a 9-inch pie pan or plate. Trim pastry even with rim of pie pan and spoon in apple-walnut mixture. (Leave extra juice in the bottom of your bowl). Cut butter into 8 small dabs. Place on top of apple-walnut mixture.
Roll remaining ball of pastry into a circle 12 inches in diameter. Place pastry circle on top of your apple filling. Cut a few large slits on the surface to allow steam to escape. Crimp edges as desired. Brush with egg and sprinkle with 2 teaspoons of cane sugar and 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts.
To prevent overbrowning, cover the edge of your pie crust with foil. Place on a foil-lined baking sheet and bake the apple pie for 35 minutes. Remove foil. Bake 20 to 25 minutes longer or until fruit is tender and filling is bubbly. Cool on wire rack; serve slightly warm with vanilla icecream. Makes 10 servings.
