The photo on the cover of your book is beautiful. Can you tell us about it?
The photo is of the Ortakoy mosque, with the Bosphorus bridge behind it. The square around that mosque is one of my favorite hangout places in Istanbul; great restaurants, great music, great scenery. That scene is also one of the top iconic images of Turkey and is often used to express Muslim/Christian cooperation, but the image could just as easily have the opposite meaning, which I discuss here.
How much Turkish did you know when you arrived? Did you learn by osmosis, self study, or a formal course?
When I arrived in Turkey I only spoke a few words: hello, please, thank you, I am an American, and "the boy is underneath the airplane". I still remember that last phrase from my Rosetta Stone course, even though I found very few opportunities to use it in real life. Shortly after I arrived I enrolled in a formal Turkish course, but I quickly fell behind and then dropped out. I took up self-study, but that just had me thinking I spoke better than I really did. Mostly I learned by osmosis, but for someone who spent 6 years in Turkey, my Turkish is horrifically bad.
In Istanbul at least, there are plenty of people who speak English. So you can get by with just a few phrases, a big smile, and plenty of humility and respect. Those go over well anywhere.
Do you speak other foreign languages, and if so, how hard is Turkish by comparison?
I studied Mandarin Chinese in college, lived in China for a year after graduation, and have done business with China for years. Chinese is actually my default foreign language. When I can't find the right word in Turkish, it's Chinese that comes out of my mouth. But I lived in China a long time ago, and my Chinese is very rusty.
Wow, after Chinese Turkish must have seemed easy.
Turkish is not that much easier than Chinese. Chinese does have the characters and the tones, which makes it harder. But I am a visual learner, so the characters don't bother me much. But Chinese grammar is very simple, and there is little or no verb conjugation. "Yesterday he go to store". "Today he go to store". "Tomorrow he go to store". Turkish, on the other hand, zips a whole lot of meaning into one word, and it's hard to unzip the words as quickly as you hear them spoken.
Let's talk for a bit about cultural differences. For example, I know an English guy here who's married to a Turkish woman. She speaks fluent English and works for an International company. One day her husband ran into her sister in town and they stopped for a cup of coffee. He immediately got a hysterical phone call from his wife, saying someone just told her her husband was spotted with a beautiful woman. He had to put his sister-in-law on the phone before his wife would calm down. Is this just provincial Antalya mentality, or does that sound like the Turkish perspective to you?
I don't think that's just a provincial Antalya thing. I've seen plenty of over-the-top displays of jealousy in Istanbul, too. Some of those displays, to an American at least, appear downright childish. I don't think Turks are inherently more prone to jealousy than Americans though. I think a raw expression of the emotion is just more accepted in Turkey. When the circumstances are similar, an American will often feel as jealous as a Turk, he or she will just express that jealousy differently.
You mentioned the famous Turkish hospitality in your book. How is Turkish hospitality different from the American kind?
I think Turkish hospitality tends to be more open to strangers than American hospitality. If you walk up to a group of Turks and introduce yourself, they will welcome you into their group first, and then they will start wondering if you're a good fit. If you walk up to a group of Americans and introduce yourself, they will wonder first if you are good fit, and then if they decide you are, they will welcome you into their group. Beyond that, the same basic human instincts rule the interactions, but with Turks, there is usually a longer grace period in which the various parties get to find out about each other, before the accepting or rejecting begins.
One of the most gripping episodes in your book is the scene in which a group of men physically assault your wife because she parked (totally legally) in front of their store after they told her not to. I find it shocking that in a society that so differentiates between the sexes it is acceptable for men to beat up women. I also notice that in situations where I'd expect an American man to lend a hand (when I'm trying to open the door to my building while carrying heavy packages) Turkish men just stand by, smoking and watching me struggle. It seems women in Turkey have the worst of both worlds: They're certainly not equal, but they're not the recipients of chivalry either. Do you agree? What's your impression of women's place in Turkish society?
I think it's absolutely true that sometimes Turkish men stand by and watch a woman struggle with heavy packages. I think it's also absolutely true that sometimes Turkish men are quick to offer help. In my opinion, how a Turkish man responds to a woman struggling with heavy packages (or any other situation where a bit of chivalry is called for) has little to do with his being Turkish, and everything to do with whether or not he's a butthead. And in my opinion, the world's butthead population is not uniquely concentrated in Turkey.
True enough. There's no shortage of buttheads worldwide.
That story in the book, about the fight over the parking space, involves physical assault against a woman. But it also involves physical assault against a man. When I tell that story, just about every single audience member has a different take on what the story means. Personally, my take on the story is that in the events that followed the scuffle, there were at least a dozen people involved, and every one of those people was Turkish except for me. Not everyone in that group believed it was okay to beat up on a woman. So if, from that story, we are going to extrapolate that in Turkey it is okay to beat up on a woman, we also need to extrapolate that in Turkey it is not okay to beat up on a woman.
Another facet I see in that story is what it says about the police in Turkey, and that it serves as a reminder that there is a difference between keeping the peace and enforcing the law. The two are not the same, even though we Americans often like to think they are. Police around the world, including the police in the US, have to walk the line between the two. Police in different countries walk the line differently, but they are all walking the same line.
What do you think of Turkish cuisine? Have you tried everything, including tripe soup and kokorec?
I think Turkish cuisine rocks. It's good old comfort food; meat, cheese, rice, bread. Tripe soup though, and kokorec, I won't go near that stuff. Fortunately, I know plenty of Turks who won't either, so I just hide behind them.
I don't blame you. There's a lot I haven't tried yet. I recently saw "boiled brains" on a menue. I was not tempted. What's your favorite dish?
My favorite dish is kofte (meatballs), french fries, and yogurt. It's practically the national dish in Turkey, so you get big kudos for loving it. But eating it is basically like being a 5-year-old kid plowing into a bowl of macaroni and cheese. It's a completely familiar and unchallenging food, completely devoid of intercultural strangeness, and yet the Turks applaud you for "going native".
Sucuk (Turkish breakfast sausage) was a more difficult adjustment for me, though. I go into that here:
Have you traveled widely throughout Turkey? What "must see" destinations would you recommend outside of Istanbul?
I haven't traveled widely in Turkey. I've only seen the Mediterranean and Aegean coasts and Kapadokya, plus a short trip to the Black Sea Region. That's like saying you've been to the US even though you've only visited LA, Seattle, and Omaha. I am planning a walk across Turkey though, so if all goes well I will be seeing far more of the place than any sane person would ever want to.
As far as "must see" destinations outside of Istanbul, I would narrow it down to "all of them". Seriously though, it depends on what you like. If you like hiking insanely green hills rising straight from the sea and don't mind a little fog, go to the Black Sea Region. If you like laying out on the beach and snorkeling in crystal clear water, go almost anywhere on the Aegean. If you like big open skies and red sandstone rocks and dry air, go to Kapadokya. And if you like boring cow-towns in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but mile after mile of undifferentiated rolling prairie, go to Ankara (sorry Ankara folks, I just had to get that good-natured dig in there).
What advice would you give to someone considering moving to Turkey?
Get all the advice you can, read up on the country as much as you can, learn some of the language, and then realize that no matter how much preparation you do, your experience will be yours, and neither you, nor anyone else, can predict what that experience will be like.
I think flexibility, a "roll with the punches" attitude, is the most important tool in any expat's toolbox. You might be the most educated and prepared person in the world, but if you don't have that flexibility, Turkey will spit you out in a second. Meanwhile, a complete doofus who knows nothing about Turkey but is willing to roll with the punches will take to the place like he was born to live there.
Thank you Matt. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective, and I'm sure my readers will too.
