I've been feeling blue lately. Perhaps it's been a long while coming, but it was a sleeper. It felt sneaky, I just sort of had a moment and a feeling and I realized that I'm struggling. I will get out of it, but at the moment it feels, well, blue. There are lots of triggers (broken camera lens, a overwhelming amount of goods over flowing my tiny little home, no money, lack of funds, weight gain, and some fallen expectations) but the reason is singular: FEAR. I am riddled with fear of failure. Tightrope and no safety net, and my nerves are shot. Yep. Fear.
My confidence is shook, my vanity is under attack (apparently my beer and pizza guzzling has taken a toll) and I view my self-shot pics of me cavorting in the alley and groan at my lack of super model status. I'm trying to get my online business up and going but I seem to be a comedy of errors- only I'm not really at the point of laughing. Again, there are many triggers but it really is the boa constrictor of fear that is dampening my spirits. Since I can't retail therapy (and why would I? I've got a house overflowing with vintage clothing, shoes and accessories!) I decided to doll up in a pretty silk dress I had found late last summer from my favorite Value Village. Since it was cold, and my ever expanding middle makes skirts and pants feel uncomfortable, somehow a dress with a sweater over it, seemed practical. Turned out, it also looked super cute. Simple navy ankle socks with my practical shoes (there's a reason the kids in Seattle don't wear cute shoes!) completed the look, and I felt a little better. Dress therapy, there ya go.
Since I'm having trouble with the real camera, I've been using the trusty iPhone to take photos for my online selling, and I took little snaps of my new blue outfit. A little resourcefulness and creativity can definitely lift the soggy spirits, too. By the end of the day, having admitted to myself I was struggling with depression, and then focusing on taking care of things with the resources I had, not needed or wanted, helped get me back to my sunny self. I can do what I can do, and leave the rest up to chance.
"Expect the worse, hope for the best," an old chestnut garnered years ago from some grandmotherly type, is being applied now to my life as a painter applies her paint to a canvas. Even Picasso had a blue period, yeah?
Meanwhile I've been busy loading up eBay and Etsy, and hoping for some sales. Recent listings include these lovely baubles you see around my neck. I hope they find themselves a good home! Hopefully next week, I'll be a little brighter, but I didn't want play it fake- I know nobody loves a gloomy gus, yet it doesn't feel right to pretend all is right when the true is blue. And sometimes the best inspirations come from the blues. Like the silk layers of the dress against the navy stripes of the sweater, there are all sorts of nuances found in the blues. And that can make a day brighter.
Now Wearing:
- navy/black striped pullover sweater
- black silk sweetheart dress, Value Village
- vintage African sea shell choker, available HERE
- vintage Lucite bead necklace, available HERE
- hand-made bead/conch pendant necklace, HERE
- navy socks, Target
- shoes, Value Village
