Health Magazine

Allowing Others Into Your Life

Posted on the 04 May 2011 by Finallygrowingup @mordechaikashuk

Allowing Others Into Your LifeAbuse and Rape are two of the most common reasons that people begin to use drugs.

They can no longer handle the pain, and eventually look for a way to numb it. Trust.

Depending upon what kind of life they have had can be one of the hardest things to ever do again.

Sure they have intimacy issues but who could blame them? Right?

I have friends that were raped the first time they ever had sex, or abused by family members all their lives.

They had no idea what was going on, or what they were supposed to do. All they knew was that it was uncomfortable, and just felt wrong somehow.

Some people have tremendous courage, and immediately go to the police or to a counselor to report the person, for exactly what he or she has done to them.

Unfortunately, there are far more people who are scared into silence, and wind up carrying guilt, for something that they consider to be their fault, for years, and sometimes for a lifetime!

Years go by, and these individuals simply CANNOT take the shame and guilt any longer.  They need some kind of way to vent the pain, confusion, and frustration and they wind up turning to drugs.

One of the favorite drugs for rape or abuse victims is alcohol, because it totally removes their inhibitions, allowing them to speak feely with a friend about what really happened.

It numbs them, allowing them to feel nothing, and third, if they keep it up long enough they pass-out, and they do not remember a thing, and this, is blissful oblivion for them, by which for a few hours they can totally leave all reality behind.

Research has shown, that many rape victims become lesbians, never wanting to touch, smell, or even know that a man exists ever again.

And personally, I for one cannot blame them in the slightest. Most abuse victims wind up becoming abusers themselves. Most women who have been raped usually have one very good girlfriend, usually from childhood whom they can still trust.

They KNOW that this person would NEVER do anything to hurt them. Letting in new people, however, is an entirely different thing all together.

This is where either a 12 Step, or holistic program of some kind can be extremely helpful. They can get to know others slowly, in a very controlled, very slow-paced environment.

They can get a sponsor, preferably another woman who has been nearly through or even exactly through what they themselves have been through.  Unfortunately, there are WAY too many women who know exactly how it feels.

Now, of course, this does not deal with only rape or molestation situations. Abusive parents, sexually, verbally, to either their male or female children.  Traumas; houses burning down, family murder situations, and even simply the betrayal of a close friend with trusted information, or even being with an unfaithful partner, can lead to adult trust issues.

It is extremely difficult to allow someone to enter your inner circle after that area has been violated or betrayed.  Learning to trust again can be an extremely difficult thing.  Learning to allow people back into the “inner sanctum” of your life, can be nearly impossible.

Time heals, true, how long it takes to heal, well, that is another question all together. Still, we all need others to rely upon.  We need friends; we need people to talk to, to confide in, and to trust.

But first, we need to seek help to learn to forgive ourselves.  Once we learn to forgive, then, and only then, can we learn to forget.


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