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Addiction . . .

By Dreamchasa101 @dreamchasa101

Addiction . . .

                      I failed every alcohol test

Just as I had later heard in an open drug-alcohol talk, everywhere I went my addition followed.  I thought that after finally finding a new job, I would never jeopardize again it by coming to work drunk or hungover like I had did my previous job.  At my previous job, I used to drink so much the night before work that I would still wreak of liquor the next day.  I was caught smelling like liquor by my supervisor (on two different occasions), co-workers and a passenger.  I was working the walk-through metal detector one day and as a passenger was walking through I exhaled from my mouth and could actually smell the liquor on my own breath.  She smelled it too, but instead of saying something about it directly, she indirectly asked me, "What kind of cologne is that?"  I had failed every random alcohol test that had been given to me at the job.  They would have a team of drug and alcohol testers come to the job at random and pull random employees.  I had no problem with drugs, only alcohol.  Hence, I failed all of the three alcohol tests I took in a span of a little over four years.  Afterwards, I was always given a pep-talk by the head person of the drug and alcohol testing crew.  I think he gave me a little leeway because I was honest with him and always told him I had a bit to drink the night before.  I really didn't want them thinking I was drinking in the morning right before work, especially since that wasn't the case.  The fact that I was a young minority and it weren't very many of us working there also worked in my favor.  He would always remind me that whether I realized it or not, people are looking at me because of that reason.

Addiction . . .

The same thing was happening all over again.

So here I was at the new job and the same thing was happening.  I was coming into the job after a long night of drinking and could still smell alcohol coming out of my pores.  Even though I had switched jobs - new co-workers, new environment, new location - my addiction still followed.  I remember my girlfriend warning me one time not to get close to anyone at work because she could smell it on me pretty heavy.  While she was driving me to work she told me I smelled like a combination of shower and liquor.  I had just taken a shower so I guess that opened my pores to release the smell of the liquor I had been drinking until the late night hours.  I never got caught smelling of liquor at ReCelluar but came to the job hungover I would guess about 30% of the time.
I remember one day seeing a man I used to work with at TSA walking around ReCelluar in a suit and tie.  I was almost embarrassed to say anything to him but I swallowed my pride and asked him if he remembered me.  He said yes, and told me that he was working for a different government agency now.  From the outside looking in, whatever agency it was looked great because he was driving a government vehicle and wasn't in a traditional uniform.  I remember telling him that unfortunately things didn't work out with me and TSA but I'm in the process of getting it together.  I felt a little bitter because it was like him and I started off on the same level, but within a couple of years he had moved forward and I had moved way backward.  Here he was in his fancy suit and government car and here I was reprogramming used cell phones in a light-industrial plant.  He was probably making in a couple of days what I made in a week!  I wasn't jealous of him.  I've never been that type of person.  I love success, even when it's coming from someone else.  But again, it reinforced just how bad I had messed up.  I was so used to moving forward: getting raises, being in school (college), being independent, being able to travel and take vacations when I wanted.  And all of that was gone now.  I felt like I was in high school all over again.  I just couldn't believe that alcohol addiction had caused my entire life to change.

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