Humor Magazine

A Review of ‘The Other Woman’ (From Someone Who Didn’t Need to Actually See It to Know Exactly What It’s About)

By Katie Hoffman @katienotholmes

Infidelity. Shenanigans. Girl power. Over an hour of your life you’ll never get back. These are all words that could be used to describe The Other Woman, which stars Cameron Diaz (reprising her role as the snarky, straight shooter), Leslie Mann (playing, once again, the clueless wife you want to love, but can’t because she’s so whiny and annoying), Kate Upton and her breasts (who were thrown in because Diaz and Mann are over 40 and therefore gross and devoid of sex appeal), and Nicki Minaj (who has decided to stop wearing outrageous wigs and pursue an “acting career”).

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Cameron Diaz’s character thinks she has it all: a great career, an amazing boyfriend, and distractingly toned upper arms, but that all comes crashing down when she discovers her perfect man is actually a two-timing jerk who’s married to Leslie Mann’s character. Through some likely coincidental circumstances, Diaz’s character ultimately decides to team up with Mann’s character to ruin the jerk’s life, because nothing says empowerment like women putting their heads together to carry out comedic, sorority-style pranks on a man who’s wronged them.

The plot thickens when Diaz’s character and Mann’s character discover that the jerk they share actually has another woman on the side, and it’s a young bombshell, played by Kate Upton.

THEY PUT KATE UPTON IN A BIKINI. WHAT. Oh wait.

She’s gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but is this really necessary? Does this further the plot in any conceivable way?

Whether it makes sense for the movie or not, Upton will be in a bikini on a beach at some point, likely running in slow motion to capitalize on the breasts that have made her famous. By breasts, I mean work ethic and versatility. Besides, the guys in the theater need to be rewarded for sitting through a chick flick that’s directed Nick Cassavetes, known for directing the Holy Grail of all chick flicks: The Notebook.

Despite their initial reluctance, Diaz’s and Mann’s characters decide to invite Upton’s character to join the club. In a shocking twist, Upton’s character will be become the moral compass of the film. She’ll express ambivalence about having any further dealings with the cheating jerk, because even though he’s obviously a three-timing pig deserving of misery, perhaps the most mature and healthy thing for the women to do would be to individually write him a strongly worded letter that communicates each of their feeelings, release their frustrations at a kickboxing class, or share their pain and rage with each other (or a professional) to find closure.

Just kidding. Upton’s character will totally be down to pull some sophomoric pranks. She’ll probably suggest making him go bald, messing with his car, or altering his hormones.

At some point, Nicki Minaj will make an appearance. Her character will likely serve very little or no purpose, but she’ll probably set off a joke or some funny interaction involving Diaz’s, Mann’s, and Upton’s characters. If this movie is truly awful, Minaj will sing for no logical reason whatsoever (because that’s what always happens to singers who decide to become actors or actresses).

Eventually the jerk will figure out that all three of his ladies are conspiring against him, but by this point they’ll already have successfully ruined his life, his hair, his car, his career, or his penis. The three ladies will do some cool handshake or form a twerk circle, cementing the friendship they were grateful to have throughout this unfortunate ordeal, and the credits will roll.

The Other Woman probably has its funny parts, and you’ll probably find yourself rooting for these three women who, instead of becoming territorial adversaries fighting over the same douchebag, put their differences aside and became friends in an unlikely circumstance. You might not say The Other Woman is a horrible movie, but you certainly wouldn’t say it’s a good one. No one will be mentioning The Other Woman in the same breath as, say, Nine to Five. With Diaz and Mann at the helm, The Other Woman had all the potential to be hilarious while still depicting strong, independent women, but boobs sell more tickets. The end result is a movie that sends mixed messages and fails to bring anything new to the big screen.

I’ll probably watch about 20 minutes of The Other Woman when E! eventually airs it on TV.

Have you seen The Other Woman? Is my review spot-on or a little harsh?


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