A is for Anxiety...

 For the last few weeks I've been struggling with crippling anxiety It's effecting everything My sleepMy mood My eating My energy levels Pretty much everything Mornings are my worst time of the dayI wake up Start to get ready for schoolThen I start thinkingAnd get in to an argument with myself About whether to go in or not I feel a sense of dread Of impending doom Then I get diarrhoeaAnd I begin to panic This week I only went in two days The other days I stayed home I was annoyed with myself for not going inAnd am generally being very hard on myself I've spoken to my doctor And the only suggestion he made was to get up earlier???He just doesn't get it He treats the medical issue I guess I need to be talking to someone who understands Yesterday Out of sheer desperation I put a call out on FacebookTo ask people for ideas, suggestions Anything that might help me get through the dayI had a huge response And was blown away by how many people reached out A few people who I used to use drugs with contacted me They had also experienced addiction and mental health issues It just goes to show The fallout from drug abuse years later If I knew then what I know now Life would surely look very differently But hey It is what it is So I had to make a decision Either continue my course and keep trying Or cut my losses And walk away from it Usually now is when I quit When things become tough But the stubbornness inside me is stopping me It would be easier if I didn't love my course so much At least then it would a no brainerAnd easier to give upBut because I love it so much I want to figure out a way of dealing with this One way or another And look I've come through tougher stuff than thisI am truly blessed though To have an amazingly strong family around And brilliant friends Who continue to have my back.So noI'm not giving up Not just yet My tutor rang me yesterday To see how things were She told me that one of the girls has been exited from the course I guess that is a polite way of saying her ass was kicked off the course Because she has missed so much time I then panicked that the same would happen to me But my tutor assured me that because I had kept in close contact with staffThis other girl wasn't answering her phone So I got a doctors cert for this weekAnd I will start again afresh this Monday Day by day Step by step That's the way I'm going to do it No pressure No stress Done is better than perfect 
This month I celebrate one year in my recovery from anorexia and bulimia This time last year I made the decision to cyhoose life Rather than death Because that's what living with an ED is like It's a slow and tedious death As you literally starve yourself to death I am one of the lucky ones I made it out relatively unscathed I made it out alive!Not everyone does This month last year I final had enough  And started on this journey that we call recovery But it didn't have to be the new year That's just the way it happened for me Really and truly You can start your recovery at any timeAnd dayAny month As long as you choose  it at some point 
Ok friends I'm going to leave it at that for todayI posted my Christmas cards today So you should get them soonTake care And look after each otherSee you on the next post...