Humor Magazine

A GOP-ulmungous Cluster-fuck!

By Davidduff

I know, I know, they do things differently 'over there' but even so!  For a start they always do things BIGGER which is OK if it is better but when, as it frequently is, it is worse then friends can only stand around wringing their hands like spectators at a train crash.

What, you may wonder, has brought on this bout of nigh terminal grumpiness?  Well, you need only look through your fingers at the approaching disaster of the GOP as they fall to mutual slaughter in their attempts to come up with a candidate who will beat 'HillBilly' in 2016.  Kicking off the in-house shoot-out we have not one but two 'blasts from the past', Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney.  The first is tarred forever with his surname, and the second is an experienced, fully-trained and qualified loser!  Gosh, those two will have 'HillBilly' shaking in her shoes - with laughter, that is.

But behind them the posse is forming up.  Thus, it will not be long before there are more than enough Republican candidates to form square, Napoleonic style, but facing inwards before they all open fire on each other.  That should play well with the GAP (the Great American Public).  At least this year 'over here' we only have to grit our teeth through five months of electoral tediousness but 'over there' they have two years of it to look forward to, and if, like me, they are desperate never to see 'HillBilly's' ghastly features ever again then they must be praying for the GOP to get its act together and choose a first-class candidate quickly and with the minimum of self-inflicted wounds.

However, I do bring you a slight shaft of sunlight to cheer your day.  A certain Silvio Canto, Jnr. (no, me neither) writes in The American Thinker that the Bush vs. Romney fisticuffs might open the door wide for Gov. Scott Walker who, lucky, lucky fellow, has the endorement of, er, well, Duff & Nonsense, actually!  What more could a candidate for the presidency ask?  Mr. Canto quotes another 'expert' who opines: 

While Bush, Romney and Christie compete for the establishment lane, and Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and others seek out the conservative base, Walker is fashioning himself as something of a hybrid, capable of winning the hearts of the base and the minds of the center-right. 

Walker’s take-no-prisoners approach with unions over collective bargaining rights catapulted him onto the national stage.  

He survived an expensive recall election in 2012 that put him on the map of possible presidential contenders and won re-election in November by six points -- running as a conservative in a state that has chosen the Democratic candidate for president since 1984. 

"He's been through the fire. The recall was as much a national election" as it was a state referendum, says Tim Miller of America Rising, an opposition research firm that helped Republican candidates like Walker in the 2014 election.

So, altogether now, let's hear it for Gov. Walker and in the meantime, Republican party, get your act together!

 


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