One of the most frequent questions I get during the holidays is about how to deal with family who are behaving badly. For me the secret is boundaries. I think it’s best to start by deciding what constitutes appropriate behavior. If it’s anything other than “anything goes” then I would consider setting some boundaries with consequences that you can follow through with. So, for example “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave.” and then, if your they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to go. I’ve heard from a number of people who have done this and the common thread seems to be that they only had to do it one time and then their families started respecting their boundaries. Of course your mileage may vary.
To serve as a reminder I’ve re-written the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting.
Note 1: In order for this to work, you have to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back tomorrow with a blog sans song.
Note 2: You’ll notice that there is no podcast of this blog. That’s is because I cannot sing. What I would love is for some of you to record the song (maybe on YouTube?) and send it to me for me to put up here.
Without further ado (and special thanks to the members of More Cabaret for their input between full-speed run-throughs at rehearsal today) here is my fat holiday song:
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Don’t talk about my weight or food.
Why can’t you see it’s hella rude
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
You know I love my family
But I will leave if you fat-shame me.
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
My body’s fine, I don’t need you’re rants
You’re not the boss of my underpants
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Don’t say a word to my fat kid
Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Yes I do “need” that second plate
It’s not your business what I ate
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Quit saying someday I’ll get sick
Last time I checked you were not psychic
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
The holidays are great family time
If you don’t shame, food-police or whine
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
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