When I was running the LA Marathon on Sunday, I was trying to distract myself in any way possible (3 hours and 57 minutes is a long time to be running and semi-suffering). When I wasn’t on Rodeo Drive or concentrating on my aches and pains, I was observing my fellow runners (there were only a few).
I had the deep thought that despite the fact that we come in all different shapes and sizes, have unique fingerprints and share different preferences on whether we wear underwear or not while we run, we do have some commonalities.
Let’s face it. Running is one of the most rigorous activities you can put your body through. Just like you can only provoke a swan so much before it attacks (this is true – swans are MEAN), you can only run so much before your body responds with a hearty “screw you.”
If you are a newer runner and haven’t done much distance running before, you should get very comfortable with bodily functions and fluids before you partake in the journey. With that said, here are my favorite raunchy things runners do (in no particular order). And, as a special bonus, I’m going to tell you WHY these things occur. You’re welcome.
1. We spit. A lot. I can’t count the number of times I was almost spit on during the marathon. When you combine a crowd of 25,000 people, all of them runners who are producing a certain amount of phlegm, it can get wet and wild pretty fast.
Why does it happen? Using you lungs a lot causes an increase in mucus and saliva production. Also, as the body warms up, it produces more saliva.
2. We fart. I am going to be honest and state that I don’t think I farted once during the race. This is very, very unusual for me, and I missed the fun that a few good farts can provide. I did, however, enter into many a person’s fart zone on the marathon course and it was not pleasant – talk about hitting the wall!
Just for the record, I wish it was required that runners take a pill that would make their farts show a cloud of color (the color would be linked to the severity of the fart – i.e., red would be deadly, etc.).
Why does it happen? We all know gas builds up in the body when we swallow it while eating. Gas is also produced when our body is breaking down undigested foods (which produces hydrogen, carbon dioxide and methane). The reason the gas comes out so abruptly and frequently while running is that running can speed up the digestion process. Combine that with the pounding of your feet and you get the fart frequency. Plus, it’s pretty tough to hold those babies in while running. Try it sometime!
3. We snot-rocket. This is kind of in line with spitting, but requires the runner to push one nostril closed while simultaneously blowing out of the other. This produces projectile snot, often referred to as a “rocket.”
Why does it happen? When running (especially in cooler temperatures), your nose warms and moistens the air you breathe before it reaches your lungs. This produces mucus in your nose and throat.
4. We smell. Let’s face it. When you are out there for several hours in 80 degree heat, no deodorant is powerful enough. And, since we only put deodorant under our arms and not in other crevices, stuff starts to smell.
Why does it happen? Of course we sweat when we run- it is our body’s way of trying to keep us cool. But, sweat in and of itself does not smell. It is the glands that the sweat comes of of that cause the smell. Eccrine glands produce sweat full of water and electrolytes and doesn’t smell too bad. Apocrine glands, however, are found in the groin, hands, feet and underarms and can cause a real stink due to the proteins and bacteria found in the sweat. If you eat garlic, broccoli, red meat or onions, you might stink even worse.
5. We wipe fluids on our clothes. Snot, spit, whatever.
Why does it happen? It happens because we don’t know where else to put it.
6. We puke. Well, maybe you do, I don’t. However, if you have ever been to a race (especially the finish line) you know it’s not all that uncommon.
Why does it happen? It’s called exercise induced nausea. It can come from over exertion or from stopping activity too quickly. It can also be caused from lack of hydration. In some cases, over-hydration can cause this.
7. We pee ourselves. This has also not happened to me, but I hear this is very common, especially among women. A favorite trick is to dump water on your head to disguise the pee, much like when your water breaks in the grocery store, you can drop a jar of pickles on the floor to disguise it. Whatever you do, wearing dark clothing is always the better choice.
Why does it happen? Well, if you’ve given birth, your pelvic and sphincter muscles might have become stretched out and weak. Or, maybe you are old. Sometimes these same muscles can weaken with age. If you are overweight, extra body weight can put additional pressure on the bladder causing leaks. Lastly, if you are fatigued, muscles around the bladder can weaken when you run. You can find more info HERE.
8. We poop, or really, really want to. Although not everyone gets the runner’s trots, it is common. Believe me, your day will likely come.
Why does it happen? When we run, the blood goes to our muscles and neglects our digestive system. Also, the internal organs get all jostled while running. This leads to cramps, turtling, and severe panic about crapping one’s pants. More info HERE about what to do about it.
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Ever experience any of these?
Have any other “gross” things runners do to add to the list?
SUAR
