The New Year Resolutions time is upon us again, and weight loss is on top of many lists. But we all know what happens next. By the end of January, these ambitions will be abandoned and most people will settle back into their old routines, disappointed and disheartened, only to repeat the whole sad cycle next January.
Why does it keep going wrong, year after year? I think the key to successful weight loss is not just what you do with your body. It is all in your mind.
While choosing the right diet and exercise routine is important, the most perfect plan will fail if you don't have the right attitude and mindset.
So instead of obsessing over food choices and buying expensive health products, let's take one step back and look at the psychological reasons that might be holding you back.
1) You run away from discomfort
"Come out of the comfort zone" - we all heard this one many times. This cliché is plastered across hundreds of 'inspirational' images of sunrises and gorgeous fit people, cluttering our social media feeds this time of year.
But you must remember one essential truth about this. By definition, what lies outside of the comfort zone? That's right - discomfort.
Many of us are pretty bad at dealing with discomfort. That's why there are ridiculous products out there that claim to make you thin/happy/beautiful/young again without any effort required on your part. We buy into these promises because we really want to believe we can change without doing any work, or feeling any discomfort. I wish this was true - but it just isn't.
Based on my own experience and numerous conversations with other dieters, I think we all try too hard to minimise our discomfort during weight loss. Can I be on low-carb and still eat bread and sweets? Can I lose weight without ever feeling hungry? Can I just do a PowerPlate session instead of running and weight-lifting?
Stop trying to fight discomfort - embrace it.
Discomfort means you are outside of your comfort zone and the real change is beginning. Keep pushing yourself in that direction - toward discomfort, not away from it.
You will soon find that it isn't as bad as you feared! Hunger pangs and sugar cravings eventually go away, hard exercise becomes enjoyable, and the whole process gets easier.
2) You focus too much on the end result, not on the process
One accepted wisdom, which I think can be detrimental to success, is visualising your goal - imagining yourself thin and fit, and focusing on that image. The problem is, if you are very far from that ideal now, it is can be depressing instead of inspirational.
Related to this issue is the expectation of instant results from your change programme. I often had people complain that a low-carb doesn't work for them - they tried it for a whole week but didn't lose weight. Dear me - one whole week! The reality of successful weight loss is that it happens over months or even years of persistent effort. (Some people do experience rapid weight loss after starting a low-carb diet, but it is usually the result of losing water.)
The safe recommended rate of weight loss is maximum 1 pound a week - roughly equivalent to 3,500 calories. If you are looking to lose 30 pounds of weight, it will take at least 30 weeks - that's over 6 months.
So calculate how long it will take you to reach your goal weight, and commit to going that full distance, day after day, with persistence and determination. Once you stop expecting instant transformation into your dream body, you will notice actual immediate benefits of proper diet and exercise, such as feeling better overall and having more energy.
And if you want to stay slim after you lose weight, you will need to continue watching your diet and doing exercise permanently. This process is a marathon, not a sprint. So get ready.
3) You have deeply ingrained habits that stall weight loss
We are all the creatures of habit - most of our day-to-day actions are driven by habits rather than by conscious thought. Some of these habits can be detrimental to your weight loss success.
For example:
- eating at your set meal times even if not hungry
- finishing everything that's on your plate after you are full
- spending hours in front of TV instead of exercising
It takes a lot of effort to reverse your existing habits, but it is possible. You need to start by analysing your typical activities and identifying the culprits. Awareness is the first step in turning your bad habits into good ones.
The good news is, the same mechanism will also eventually work in your favour. Once you do develop some good habits, you can rely on them to get you through the day without having to think about it or force yourself.
4) You didn't analyse what went wrong before
If you tried to lose weight before and failed, you need to figure out exactly what went wrong. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is one of the definitions of insanity! So really think about your past experiences and decide how you can change your approach to ensure you don't encounter the same issues. For example:
- Your previous diet might have been the wrong one for you - so try one with a different approach. If you tried a ketogenic low-carb diet or Dukan and found it too hard, try a less dramatic plan such as South Beach or Zone diet. It's better to lose weight at a slower rate on an easier diet, than to go all hard-core but fall off the wagon a week later!
- Your exercise programme might have been too easy - you do need to push yourself a little bit and move more than you used to. On the other hand, if you try to do too much, you will probably burn out quickly and give up. Find the right balance.
- If you don't record everything you eat, you are likely to be underestimating the amount of carbs and calories you consume. Get a tracker app or just use plain pen and paper to track everything and be brutally honest with yourself!
- If you think you did everything right but it was just too hard, you need to work on your self-discipline.
5) You lack self-discipline
Guess what - most of us do. However, this is not an excuse. Self-discipline can be improved, and if it is the root of your failures, then you need to try and address it. Self-discipline can be developed just like a muscle - the more you use and exercise it, the stronger it will get. If you don't exercise it, it will always stay weak.
You could find the most perfect diet and exercise plan, but without self-discipline, your best plans will crumble away into dust and once again, you will get nowhere. Self-discipline is the most important factor for any kind of change or achievement in life, so it is well worth making it into a separate goal and finding ways to tackle it. There are many self-help books and tools that can help you with this process.
6) You are not at the right stage in your life
This point doesn't apply to everyone, but is more common than you might think. Losing weight and becoming fit and healthy are important and worthy goals, but you must remember there are more important things in life, and more pressing problems which you might need to prioritise.
Society puts too much pressure on us to look perfect, regardless of the circumstances. There are other, more sensible motivations, such as your overall health and sense of well-being. However, it could be the case that you just not at the right point in your life to start addressing this.
One very common example is new mothers who start worrying about losing their pregnancy weight several weeks after giving birth - perhaps because some celebrities manage to get back to looking perfect in that timeframe. That kind of pressure is just not fair. Give yourself a break, stop judging yourself too hard, and wait until you are bit more settled before attempting any major lifestyle change, on top of the huge one that has just happened!
Another bad place to start is if you are suffering from depression, anxiety or self-esteem issues. You need to address those underlying problems first - you will never succeed with superficial changes while these demons are lurking underneath. Trying to diet in those circumstances is not only doomed to fail, but is likely to make you feel worse overall. My advice would be to get professional help and concentrate on getting to a better place psychologically as your first priority.
7) Deep down, you don't believe you can change
Let's face it - we've all been here many times before - trying hard to change but failing. Every time you fail, you lose a bit of faith. Next time you try, you are a little bit less hopeful. If you've been doing this every January for many years, deep down you might have stopped believing that change is possible.
This is one belief that's definitely false. Anyone can change - this is a fact. The internet is full of amazing success stories, and some of them happened after many failed initial attempts.
So decide that this is the year you will finally succeed! Make sure you keep going. Seek new information and advice, and get inspiration from other people's transformation stories. Focus on your change process every day and truly commit to it for the long-term. Embrace discomfort and develop your self-discipline.
Above all - believe in yourself and don't give up!
