About 500,000 bees boarded a flight from Sweden to Greenland on Wednesday, according to Swedish news source, The Local. Apparently, the bees didn’t even have a direct flight, as they had a stopover in Denmark, the world’s former happiest country.
“What’s the bad news?” you may ask, “I fly with hundreds of thousands of bees all the time and always have to stop over in Cincinnati!”
Well, apparently, transporting that many bees requires “a lot of paperwork” and vetting by a bee inspector and a veterinarian surgeon. Okay, we get the paperwork part. Taking 500,000 bee passport photos is not exactly a picnic for any IKEA Photo Center employee. For them, a picnic would be more like getting stung by just five bees while having an actual picnic. But what kind of surgery performed by a veterinarian do these bees require? We’re certain that if taking passport photos of bees agitates a few bees, than performing surgery on half-a-million of their closest friends may also lead to a few stings, and delay a flight to Greenland by at least a few months. Still for anyone who may have been stung physically or metaphorically by this trans-atlantic bee-flight, we remind you, it could be worse. Here are:
3 Worse In-Flight Companions Than 500,000 Bees
1. Fifty Samuel L. Jacksons Impersonators. All of them screaming his famous Snakes On A Plane line of being tired of all these muthaf****n snakes on the muthaf****n plane. Don’t worry, there are no snakes on the plane, but all this yelling leads to one crying baby in every row. Which leads to 50 Justin Bieber Impersonators singing the song Baby to help settle them down, which never works! Hey, it’s not your fault you happened to be flying to Orlando during the 12 Annual Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Impersonators.
2. 500,000 bees, all watching the inflight movie “The Vanishing Of The Bees” narrated by Ellen Page. The only thing worse than a plane full of bees angry that the bee population is disappearing is being stung by thousands of bees, when the probability of there even being half a million bees in one place seemed unlikely based on your understanding of the movie.
3. Barry B. Benson a.k.a. the bee voiced by Jerry Seinfeld in Bee Movie. Okay, if you’re going to hear airline jokes, it may as well be on an actual airplane from a comedian who is actually good at making airline jokes. But when the jokes about “airline” food start talking about small portions of willow-herb pollen, and you remember that’s the official flower of Greenland, you have good reason to be suspicious that all the world’s bees may be secretly moving to Greenland. And with apparently free flights, paperwork, and veterinarian-performed-surgery, it’s no wonder.
