I love music. I remember the 8-track I had as a companion when I was home sick with mumps. Yes, I'm that old. And I remember my cherished vinyls, and the first CDs I had--a very random collection, including Genesis, Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin, and Beethoven. And I hope my kids find the songs that mean the world to them, even if these songs end up being the soundtrack of Frozen.
But some things I just don't get, and as a consequence, my kids will likely not get them either. I know that as a parent it's my job to open the world up for my kids and present them with life's possibilities. I know. But when it comes to the things I don't get, well, my kids are on their own.
1. Skiing
I've never tried skiing, and I never will. Or snowboarding. Maybe it's a fear I carry with me since I saw the one kid in elementary school who came to class on crutches after a ski vacation, or maybe it's a completely rational fear of flying downhill on small sticks, but I've never tried skiing, and I'll never take my kids skiing. My snowboard-loving wife can take them, their grandparents can take them, and you can take them. But I'll stay home, if you don't mind.
2. Horse Riding
Horses are majestic animals, as long as I have two feet on the ground. The closest I've ever come to riding a horse was riding a camel once, and although it was scary, at least the poor camel was only slowly walking in a circle. But horses? They even got Superman, so what chance to I have?
3. Swimming
That's not about me being scared. I'd love for my kids to be able to swim, I'm just not the one to teach them. I can do breaststroke, and I can swim underwater from one side of a pool to another, pretty much, but my poor head can't figure out freestyle swimming. In fact, it makes me angry to know the fastest way of swimming involves doing one thing with the arms, and something completely different with the feet. Now that I'm older, I know freestyle is probably just a bug in the matrix, and not something I should try to figure out. And my poor kids, well, they're on their own there too.
4. Hockey
Some people talk about hockey on social media. They follow NHL hockey news. They wear team jerseys and make fun of people who like other teams. For me, though, hockey is lacrosse on ice. I don't get lacrosse, so how am I supposed to get the icy version? When I moved to the US, I didn't really get baseball and football, because no one plays or cares about these things in Israel, where I grew up. But after a while, I started to get it. I got baseball the first time I went to see a game in Camden Yards. And I finally got football when the Ravens reached the playoffs last year. But hey, at least when you watch a baseball or a football game, you can see the ball!
5. Opera
I don't get it. Nope. I like rock, pop, folk, reggae, jazz, techno, and instrumental classical music. I even like some kids' songs, and when no one's watching, I can sing the Chorus Line soundtrack. But opera? Now THAT'S a bug in the matrix. And I want you to know that even though my kids might end up as opera singers, I'll still love them, even if I don't approve of their lifestyles of wearing costumes and singing in German.
