5 Reasons Bartenders Are Sexier Than Regular People

I don't try to understand certain mysteries of the universe, such as: where do black holes lead to or why anyone would choose to listen to Jazz, and of course the one I've been considering lately, which is why bartenders are sexier than normal folks. And don't look at me like that. I didn't write the rules, I'm just reporting the facts.

Don't believe me? Pay attention the next time you go out drinking. It doesn't matter how plain or homely-looking he is (yes, "he"; women don't count here. They could get laid working at Walmart if they wanted to). By the end of the night, it's not uncommon for him to have 4 or 5 phone numbers from hungry women who have thrown themselves at the lad.

This anomaly is particularly fascinating considering bartending is not what you might deem complex or awe-inspiring work. It's not like say, neurosurgery or rebuilding a carburetor. Skill-wise, I'd have to say bartending measures something closer to playing darts. I'm not trying to insult the dart-playing community, but let's face it, if you're really good at darts, it means you've spent a good deal of your life practicing throwing darts. At a wall. So you can be good at darts. I'm just saying, this doesn't rank especially high on the sexy meter.

I once watched a professional dart tournament on TV (because I spend my time wisely), and it was basically a bunch of middle-aged men crouched forward, brows furrowed, while they jerked and snapped their elbows in efficient tosses. As they hurled their silver-tipped markers at the round targets, never once did I consider that there might be a throng of women watching nearby, lusting after these dart aficionados and batting their eyelashes at the guy attempting to stick another triple 20. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe dart guys are like Wilt Chamberlains getting laid left and right, but I'm guessing not.

I understand that this rule does not apply to 100% of all bartenders, because some of them screw it up when really they should just shut up and shake stuff because when they open their mouths it becomes apparent that their intelligence is in direct inverse relation to depth of their v-neck t-shirt and the diameter of their biceps. When they do say something it involves their workout routine and the amazing deal they got on a barrel of protein powder and that's just douchy.

The truth is, I wrote this article is because when I train people on how to get a bartending job, the first thing I ask them is why they want to bartend. Their #1 answer is for the money, and #2 is because they believe it will help them hook-up on a regular basis. And despite owning this somewhat mediocre skill-set I speak of, they are right on both accounts. The money is outstanding, and the chances to bed the opposite sex (or same sex, for that matter) increases exponentially. It's a mystery, I know. But it's the truth. Let's find out why.

5 REASONS BARTENDERS ARE SEXIER THAN NORMAL PEOPLE 1. Bartending is a Preceived Position of Status

For whatever reason, everyone wants to be a bartender, even if just for a night. The bartender is the party facilitator, the fun one, the bad boy, the guy who challenges the boundaries and who has control over how much fun everyone has. You won't find this coveted position of status if you were a clerk at JC Penny or a court reporter. And it's not that bartenders are sexier. More accurately, bartenders are PERCEIVED to be sexier than regular people, which gives them a leg up in the whole sex-appeal department. Look at Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. Girls weren't sleeping with them because of their looks. They were sleeping with them because of their rock-star status. That's what bartenders possess but on a much smaller scale.

2. Bartenders Make Good Money

There's not much to say here. If you're doing something like pouring liquid into a glass and then walking out the door with $300 - $400 after working 6 hours, you are one sexy bitch.

3. Anything Involving Alcohol is Considered Awesome

Never was a truer statement spoken. Alcohol runs the world on so many different levels, and so many amazing (and embarrassing) moments of our lives stem from those times we drank large amounts of booze. Being around the person who is providing you with those fun times is automatically magnetizing and sexy.

4. A Bartender Has Home-Court Advantage

This could be a sub-heading of the last one. Working in the venue in which people come to let loose and be a totally different and wild person than they normally are anywhere else is a huge advantage. No other occupation allows for such an advantage. You wouldn't see your clients sitting at their desk watching you file papers or fill out an escrow form with that glazed over look of horniness on their faces. Bartending allows you to be the MC of the funnest night of everyone's week.

5. A Bartender's Sexiness is Being Judged by a Room Full of Drunks

If only people were drunker when you were trying to sell them something, I'm sure business would be so much easier because people's judgment while intoxicated becomes quite disabled. For bartenders, this recipe for sexiness is really very simple: take one horny person and add alcohol and watch the beer-goggle effect take over.

The question is, do you believe bartenders are sexier than normal people (but you have to be drunk to answer this question)?

Cheers, until next time.

The RB