The past few days my heart has been heavy because dreams are being dashed & even though God is bringing a lot to light in the midst of this, at the moment it doesn't seem to be making anything easier.
Earlier this week I wrote about Embracing Change & that is becoming increasingly difficult as some of the things surrounding that situation continue to unfold. And within this unfolding I have most certainly been disappointed & so have a lot of other people around me.
Reading through God's Word, I know that He created us to have vision, but what do we do when that vision is diverted? Or never comes to fruition at all?
For me, it is one of the most disheartening & frustrating experiences. And my reaction of seeking answers, clarity, & closure doesn't make it more bearable.
Does this make me selfish? Does this equate to a sense of entitlement? Is my disappointment similar to a child throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn't get what she wants?
Sometimes I feel that way. Sometimes I feel that the desires of my heart & my prayers are so incredibly shallow is it any wonder that God doesn't answer them?!
As I was expressing my disappointment to a friend & the attack of self-worth that came with it, she asked me one question: "Where is Jesus in all of this?"
I started to answer but abruptly stopped because I realized that I didn't really know. I mean logically, yes, I knew that He was present & that there had to be a purpose for it all, but even after much reflection & prayer, I still don't have a solid answer. I can't see through the fog yet. The only thing I know is that clarity is coming. For some of us involved it is coming slowly, for others quite quickly. And clarity is something that I personally have been prayerfully requesting for quite some time.
Experiencing this disappointment at present is causing me to adjust my expectations & is also encouraging me to go deeper with God. I'm having to check my heart constantly to make sure that my intentions are pure & that my interest is solely about the glory of God. And that requires faith. Which I realize is what moving past disappointment requires.
FAITH.
Trusting that God knows best. That hindsight is 20/20. That His plan is perfect.
If when an answer I did not expect comes to a prayer which I believed I truly meant, I shrink back from it; if the burden my Lord asks me to bear be not the burden of my heart's choice, and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will, then I know nothing of Calvary love. -Amy Carmichael
