My last blog was ostensibly about table setting ideas for Thanksgiving. In it I included a story about the first Thanksgiving where I felt I took ownership over the meal and how that turned out!
” After years as a child of formal Thanksgivings in a dining room with white carpet and gold damask wallpaper where I was afraid to spill a drop of cranberry sauce I entered my “Martha Stewart” phase at about age 13. My mother and I set a beautiful table with all of our best china, silver and crystal. I prepared most of the food (of course, that’s how I remember it I’m sure I had significant adult help!)
But I do remember that I had baked my first pie ever and made my first homemade crust (I have particularly fond memories of the Martha Stewart Pies and Tarts cookbook). But as I entered the dining room I tripped and in one of those moments that can only be portrayed correctly on screen in slow motion the pie flew out of my hands and landed upside down on the precious white carpet. My father became so upset he stormed out of the house leaving the pie on the carpet and our guests at the table.”
I left it at that and moved on to my philosophy about including my children in the preparing and serving of the meal. I wrote more about that last year in “YES You Can Have a Relaxed Thanksgiving!”
I received a number of emails, comments and a phone call about this story. Even my mother sent me an email commenting on how the incident with the pie must have scarred me. Well, it did in the sense that a scar is what remains when an injury is healed.
I grew up very formally and as an only child. There were experiences in my childhood that formed who I am today and how I raise my children. My oldest son came to me and said he couldn’t remember a time I ever made him feel the way I must have felt when my father left the house – halleluiah! But he had his own story about how we were going to a Cub Scout dinner and he dropped and broke the fruit salad bowl on the driveway while we were all piling into the car. He was so scared he ran away and hid!
We all have our own personal journey, mine led me to a place where I design homes that are child-friendly. I do this because it means something important to me to create homes where children feel welcome and comfortable. I have one designer friend who told me she does not like to use the term “family-friendly” because she believes it gives the idea a house needs to be like a playground. That is not what I mean by the term at all! I want my home to be stylish and beautiful but I want it to feel comfortable and inviting. I achieve this by selecting durable fabrics or leathers, furniture that is not too delicate for daily life and floors that won’t be destroyed by and upside down pie!
The experiences of my childhood have strongly influenced me. I have five children because I was lonely as an only child. I design homes where children are free to play and enjoy their childhood because my house had many restrictions to maintain the white-walled perfection. I teach my children how to do chores properly because I wasn’t trusted with laundry or cleaning and as a result turned all of my clothes pink my second week at college!
I don’t regret my childhood. My father who stormed out that Thanksgiving also phoned me every single day of my adult life from the day I left for college until the day he died.
I am grateful for all of the experiences that have formed who I am today.
I am grateful my five children taught me to loosen my grip on perfectionism and led me to this world of YES Spaces.
I am grateful you have joined me on this journey.
I wish you delicious memories this holiday season!
xo Barbara
PS. Since this is the time of year we might actually use our dining rooms tomorrow I am going to take a look at some stylish dining rooms and show you how the are or could be “family-friendly!”
