1 - If someone asks you 'What's wrong?' the answer to that question might just be enough to get you locked up with murder charges. What could possibly be wrong? My hair is greasy because I'm sweating so much for no freaking reason, no amount of concealer will hide my spots, my cat stole my cardigan, the eggs I've made are not runny in the middle and the so called 'spreadable' butter IS NOT SPREADING!!!
2 - If I want to eat fish fingers and wotsits for my dinner, I will, and no, I won't answer politely if you make stupid remarks about how 'crisps might be potato's but it's not one of your five a day'. Kiss my ass.
3 - When I cry, I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm angry. When I say angry, I mean 'kick my legs, stamp my feet, throw a tin of peas at the wall whilst crying and eating squishy cream from the can' angry. What am I angry at? your existance, my existance, the fact that the tin opener won't work. Anything and everything is the source of my anger.
4 - I am wearing black. No, not because I'm sad or angry but because there's a fountain of red streaming through my body AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE SHAME OF PERIOD STAINS UNLESS YOU'VE HAD THEM!
5 - Pain. Yes, I am in pain. No, I don't want ibuprofen, I want you to shut the F up and pass me some donuts.
6 - I want to sleep at 2pm in the afternoon. I can't sleep, but I want to sleep. Why am I tired? don't ask stupid effing questions.
7 - I did just laugh at a small child falling on their face while they cried. That's hormones for you.
8 - I don't want anyone to touch me. I don't care if you're bradley bloody cooper, I don't want a cuddle. I want NO PHYSICAL CONTACT WHATSOEVER.
9 - Why am I so hot and yet it's so cold? Turn the heating off. Actually wait, can you pass me the blanket? no, not that one. Why? WHY IS IT COVERED IN CAT HAIR?
10 - I've decided to join a feminist club.
Can you relate to all of this? I know I can. I would say I have ten tips for overcoming the problems, but I don't. I'm pretty hormonal right now.
H x
